While the big boys were gone to band practice at church last night, Rolf, Rudy and I were treated to an impromptu concert from Olivia. Rudy started to bust some impressive moves and seeings how Olivia was dancing to a Jackson 5 classic, we thought it was only fitting to post it in memory of Don Cornelius who died this week. The “Soul Train” definitely made a stop at the Geyling’s last night until Rudy lost his steam toward the end of the video! 🙂
Gotta love a good dance party!
The month of January is tough. January has always made me a little blue with post-holiday let down and all but Rudy’s care is starting to add a whole other level of discouragement for me this time of year. Always trying to keep things in proper perspective, I realize we’re still adjusting to our “new normal” and haven’t quite got our rhythm down yet for what I would describe as “annual cycles” but it’s clear I need to pay particular attention to preparing and budgeting for January. I want to be careful in this post to NOT “poor talk” and give a false impression of our financial situation because it’s not really about money as much as it is about the frustrating process of constantly readjusting and tweaking life from our budget to our schedule to our expectations, etc…in an attempt to settle into a new and somewhat predictable normal. Now that we have walked this road of HLHS for a few years I’m realizing that, emotionally, I start a new calendar year with both great expectation and anxiety as we begin to map out the year in regards to upcoming procedures for Rudy, goals we have for him and doctor appts we need to get on the calendar. January ends up being jam packed with phone calls, appointment scheduling, making sure doctor orders and prescriptions are updated and deductibles are met! I mentioned in a recent post that stacking appointments in one month is actually preferred because then we can enjoy a longer break between doctor office sweeps but it’s also emotionally draining for me and the added punch to the wallet when caught off guard can bring me to tears as it did at Costco last weekend when one of our many prescriptions that normally costs us $50 a month rang up for $165.00 this month because of our deductible.
It’s such a small annoyance in the larger scheme of things and yet it’s the little annoyances that seem to create the “loudest noise” in my life. I find it so strange that I can stand tall and strong when hit by a boulder in life but then turn around and buckle under the pressure of a little thorn in the flesh! I was thinking long and hard about this the other day and had to chuckle when I realized Rudy is much like this too. Here’s a kid who has tolerated multiple surgeries and seriously painful interventions in his treatment but goes absolutely ballistic anytime his blood pressure is taken…who can sit next to a rock band without batting any eye but will get so worked up by the applause that follows he can go into respiratory distress! It doesn’t make sense. I thought he might grow out of his sensitivity to applause but that hasn’t happened yet so in the meantime I’ve found that if I can anticipate the applause then I can distract Rudy and keep him from melting down by holding him close and whispering directly into his ear. I’ll say things like “Mommy loves you”…”You are such a big boy”…”It’s fun to be with you”…and soon the applause is over and Rudy is tear free! 🙂
The distressing noise in Rudy’s life is literal…the distressing noise in my life is a combination of calls to Apria, our insurance company and unexpected expenses to name a few and all of these things seem to happen in abundance (note to self) in January! One obvious solution to all this is recognizing the trend and plan accordingly for next year but I’m also compelled to learn from Rudy’s example…just as I want so badly to distract Rudy from the noises that cause him distress, God wants to speak above the noise in my life too. In my brokenness,or “disability”, God desires to pull me close when the distressing noise erupts in my life and whisper His words of encouragement and reassurance. It sounds corny but it’s a helpful image for me and has prompted me to stop in the middle of it all this month and ask, “What does God want me to hear?”. What bit of wisdom from His word is rising above all the details that drain and discourage me?
I heard Amy Grant perform a song at a women’s conference this past fall that touched me deeply. Just as I was starting to process and articulate some of the feelings I just described, this song came along and expressed so simply and sweetly God’s place in it all. Amy Grant hasn’t published or recorded it yet (although there are a couple of live performances of it posted on YouTube) so I hope this is okay but my friend Darlene and I shared the song at a Christmas tea last month and it was recorded so I’m sharing it below. My performance of the song doesn’t do it justice but the message is clear…
“Be still and know that I am God.” That has been my mantra for several months now…a good word to hold onto! 🙂
Speaking of calendars and details…Rudy saw Dr. Harake on Monday and his heart cath is scheduled for March 21st down at UCLA. He and Dr. Dan will coil a bunch of collaterals and open up his aorta some more…most likely with a stent but Dr. Harake may choose to do another angioplasty. The one drawback to a stent is that it doesn’t grow so the stent will need to be replaced as Rudy grows. We’re okay with it either way…whatever is best for Rudy at the time of the heart cath! Dr. Harake’s marching orders to us as we left his office was to keep Rudy healthy between now and then! Kind of a tall order this time of year but we’ll do our best…please pray with us that Rudy will be a healthy boy this winter and nothing will happen to postpone the heart cath. Thank you dear ones!
Ever Grateful…
[Lyrics to Amy Grant’s “Be Still”]
You made me, You know me, You’re able to show me who I am and what You made me for.
So I’ll turn off the tv, my cell phone and all the screens and other things that fill my world with noise.
‘Cause I know there is more to living life than what I see and You know in the quiet I might find you and believe…
You say, “Be still and know that I am God. Be still, be still and know
Be still and know that I am God. Be still, be still, be still.”
You made me, You know me, You’re able to show me who I am and what You made me for.
I’m not used to listening, I’m curious…wondering…can I really hear Your voice?
‘Cause I know…
We had a nice, uneventful trip to UCLA this week to check in with Dr. Woo (pulmonology). There isn’t much to report as her staff is still working on getting authorization from our insurance to schedule the next sleep study…the process seems to be stalled a bit so I’m praying that paperwork will get moving and we get the sleep study on the calendar soon. I’m not optimistic Rudy will pass the study this time but if we can get it done, Dr. Woo might be more open to proceed with decannulation regardless of the outcome. Being new to his team, she is reluctant to give her consent to wean Rudy off the trach without a successful sleep study putting Rudy at potential risk which we appreciate. But we also don’t want to wait another year to proceed if he’s not dependent on the trach and simply unable to settle down enough to pass the overnight study (which is our suspicion).
While we were on campus, we stopped to check in quickly with Rudy’s surgeon and the staff on duty in the CTICU. We were happy to see Dr. Brian, Dr. Robert, & Nurses Vicky and Kateri but it’s also hard to believe that we’ve been gone so long that many of the faces in the unit Rudy called home for 7 months are new and unfamiliar. We have two more appointments tomorrow with Drs. Kelts (GI) and Corazza (neurology)…both are routine 3 month appts so I don’t expect there will be anything new to report there either.
In the midst of all these appointments with his specialists, Rudy keeps plugging away at school and therapy and we continue to see small but significant steps forward. Rudy was fitted today in therapy for a stander…he wasn’t too excited about it at first but was soon distracted by his fun puzzle and stood upright for a little over 30 minutes. It’s a piece of equipment he’ll use at school and possibly something we can use at home periodically.
We also saw a big step forward in Rudy’s interest in food this week. Back in early November Rudy discovered his tongue and a love for ranch dressing! He was particularly fond of the ranch dressing at The Habit and was happy to demonstrate what a big boy he was to lick some off Daddy’s finger…
On Monday he put food to mouth all by himself for the first time!!! This exciting milestone occurred at Chipotle in Westwood after our appts at UCLA!!! Gee, I wonder what great achievement will happen at tonight’s restaurant of choice? This kitchen remodel seems to be beneficial to Rudy’s oral/food therapy!
The steps forward can seem slow in coming and rather small in the larger scheme of things but we sure don’t take for granted the significance of Rudy licking his lips or tolerating a small taste on the tip of his tongue. It won’t be long and he’ll be eating an In ‘n Out Double Double while STANDING around with a posse of friends! Ha 🙂
FINALLY! We’re back online…our internet connection has been down for the past 5 days and you don’t realize how much you depend on the internet until it’s gone!!! 🙂 I missed wishing all you dear hearts a very happy new year so let me be the last to say “Happy New Year!!”.
We had a low key but wonderful second week of break which included some good progress on the kitchen remodel thanks to Rolf, a visit to the movie theater, the zoo and a trip for Max and Rolf to Arizona to see Stanford play in the Fiesta Bowl! The kids are all back in school today, all the Christmas decorations (except for the Christmas tree) are packed away for next year and it’s time to look ahead at what’s to come after a glorious break from regular life.
“Regular life” in the Geyling household includes 10 doctor appointments this month alone!!! Not a string of routine appointments I’m looking forward to but it’s almost easier to just pile it all on at once and then be done with it for a few weeks. We head down to UCLA on Monday to see the pulmonologist and hopefully get an update on the next sleep study plan so we can move forward on weaning Rudy from his trach this year. We also see Dr. Harake next week and possibly finalize a date for Rudy’s next heart cath. It’s currently slated for March but if Dr. Harake feels Rudy needs a stent, he may shoot for an earlier date. Either way it will be good to check in with Dr. Harake and see where we stand.
In general, Rudy seems to be doing very well. He’s currently fighting a little cold but nothing too debilitating and he’s happy. In fact, he has been more affectionate and physical lately. Rudy is alot of wonderful things but he is definitely NOT a cuddle-bug. He never did like to be cradled and he doesn’t like a long embrace unless it’s in the form of wrestling with his dad and brothers! Ha He won’t snuggle with you on the couch for very long and he’s most comforted by being alone in his crib when he’s upset or hurt. Because of this, he surprised me a few times this week when he initiated the cutest “lion-cub” type hugs. I’m not sure if its a developmental thing or just a fun new “trick” he’s discovered but it sure is cute…I hope he keeps it up.
Rudy had some great moments with the big sibs over the holidays too and every one I witnessed made my heart swell. I’m just so impressed by the big kids’ ability to include Rudy in their day so effortlessly whether it’s as simple as stopping to acknowledge him in his day crib with a goofy game of peek-a-boo when they walk through the room or as intentional as gearing him up for a bike ride in the cul-de-sac. I’m also struck by how much Rudy is on their minds when they aren’t with him. Max, Olivia and I went to see the movie “We Bought A Zoo” (a very cute movie, btw) last week while Rudy stayed home with Wilson. I sat between Max and Olivia and half way through the movie Olivia leaned over and whispered in my ear “Rudy would love living with all those animals”. She’s right. And then at the end of the movie there’s a scene where the zoo visitors have to climb over a fallen tree to get to the entrance and Max leaned over to whisper in my other ear “Rudy wouldn’t be able to get past that tree to the zoo”! He’s right. I hear the kids verbalize observations in relation to Rudy quite a bit and I’m so grateful for that. I’m sure we’ve said this before on Rudy’s Beat but I really am profoundly blessed by the many ways the big sibs have embraced Rudy. It makes my heart literally BURST with both pride and worry all at the same time. What would it mean for the big kids if Rudy didn’t survive? I try not to go there very often but it’s hard not to worry about such things.
Well, before we shift gears into 2012 completely, here’s one last look at the end of our 2011…
One of the highlights of 2011 for Olivia was catching her first waves surfing!
One of the highlights of her entire life was getting a package from Lakey Peterson two days before Christmas which included this autograph picture and USA surf team cap!!! My oh my, you should have seen the look on Livy’s face when she realized who the package was from as she is a really big fan! We’re not quite sure how this connection was made but we have a feeling we owe our friend Monte a BIG thank you! If you don’t know who Lakey is, you can check out this link but, more importantly to know, she’s the granddaughter of Herb Peterson. Who’s Herb Peterson you ask? Well, he was the one time owner of the Santa Barbara area McDonalds and inventor of the Egg McMuffin of course!! It just so happens that he’s remembered every year on his birthday JANUARY 5th with $1 egg mcmuffins so you know where I’ll be tomorrow morning!! Ha Ha
And so we say goodbye to 2011 and I pray, as we stand at the threshold of 2012, for God’s continued grace and peace for us all! None of us know what 2012 will bring but I’m grateful none of us need to walk it alone. Great blessings dear friends…thank you for all the blog comments of 2011…we read and are encouraged by each one! Happy 2012!!
Ahhhh…and so it’s over! Just like that (snap!) Christmas has come and gone…the kids are busy playing, Rolf is back in the kitchen making progress on the remodel project and I’m procrastinating on the pile of laundry and dishes that need to be washed.
Ours was a unique Christmas but when all was said and done last night, all agreed it was AWESOME! Santa knew our Christmas day would be a bit full with church in the am and the annual Turkey Bowling competition at the rescue mission in the afternoon and was kind enough to drop off our gifts on Christmas Eve so we could have a relaxed celebration that evening. Rudy had no idea what was going on but literally beamed with joy watching the big kids in all their excitement. All the excitement ended up being too much and Rudy fell asleep before he opened his gifts! Ha
We were awakened at 3am by the annoying (but very helpful) alarm on Rudy’s oxygen concentrator when the power went out. Thinking it would be a short outage, Rolf got Rudy hooked up to his portable oxygen tanks and the little monkey slept soundly through it all. We were surprised to wake the next morning to a very cold house and still no electricity. As it turned out, there was a car accident that took out a transformer in our neighborhood and it was going to take several more hours to get electricity back to 250 homes in the area. Thanks to the Lawlers, Rolf got his morning coffee and we got ourselves ready for church. Things warmed up comfortably by mid-morning and we were blessed with yet another gorgeous sunny day!
With no electricity and no donut table at church, our first order of business after church was to find food. The only place open in our neighborhood was Carl’s Jr so (surprise, surprise!) the Geylings had fast food for lunch! The big kids were willing to make the most of it until they realized they couldn’t play with the majority of there new Christmas gifts when we got home because most everything required electricity!!! 🙂 Aw, bummer!! The afternoon was a bit disappointing for everyone but just as we were loading up the car to head to the rescue mission (and, coincidentally, after the kids took Christmas cookies to the Edison workers with our neighbor Jannele) the electricity came back on! Yeah! The kids would have preferred to stay home at this point but we promised they’d have full access to all their electricity-powered fun as soon as we got home…and so we were off!
Rolf established the Christmas Day Turkey Bowling tradition at the rescue mission a few years ago and it has garnered quite a reputation. This year’s edition sure lived up to that reputation…you gotta see it to believe it…
And so it was…an unconventional Christmas but a memorable one. We trust yours was too (memorable, that is) and that this next week between holidays will be filled with more holiday fun. Bless you friends!
Oh, the Christmas season is flying by much too fast!!! The final countdown to the big day is on and we have a weekend full of special activities at the Rescue Mission and church ahead. Today is the feast and gift distribution for the homeless guests at the Rescue Mission, tomorrow our family will enjoy a morning celebration with the residents at the Bethel House and a sweet candlelit Christmas Eve service at church in the evening and then our Christmas day will include church again in the a.m. & the annual “President’s Turkey Bowl” with the men’s program residents in the afternoon!!! Oh yeah, and we’ll manage to squeeze in some gift opening at some point. Ha Ha
It has been a fun couple of weeks filled with all kinds of sweet moments…
Rudy’s enjoying his Christmas break, but even though there’s no school or CCS sessions, that doesn’t mean he isn’t getting any therapy. Big brothers have their own regimen they put him through. Last night, Rolf and Wilson were working on a project in the garage and Rudy scooted all the way down the hallway to investigate until the only thing between him and joining in was the little step down. He’s always been content to perch there and watch, but he sure wanted to join in the fun. Big brother devised his own therapeutic approach complete with incentives and rewards:
Yup, he’s pretty proud of himself. Just wait until he figures out all he can do with those little bird legs. Today the garage step, tomorrow the roof jump!
There’s nothing like a good Christmas party. We enjoyed a memorable one last night. We couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful home with more dear people (the Rescue Mission board). But the quality entertainment really made the soiree. Take a look:
Can’t get enough of the prodigy (we can’t) here’s another clip. He seems to be mesmerized by his own talent!
There’s still a few available bookings during the holiday season, but act fast…
Oh my, two weeks+ have passed since Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve is exactly two weeks from tonight! As is to be expected this time of year, each day is filled to the brim and the season is racing by. The Wednesday after Thanksgiving, Olivia and I flew to Kansas to help my mom celebrate her 80th birthday on December 1st. Rolf’s mom flew in from Alabama the same day to help take care of Rudy in my absence and it worked out for Livy and I to give her a quick hug in the airport as she arrived and we departed! Ha Ha Olivia and I had a wonderful long “girls” weekend with Grandma Jo doing and eating whatever we wanted! The rest of the family had a marathon weekend with Wilson’s Jazz performance at school and marching band gig in the Santa Barbara Holiday parade & Max’s theater arts class performance of “Got Broadway” at his school. Rudy managed all the craziness at home well and passed on going to all the activities involving applause! ha ha He is, however, enjoying other holiday sights and sounds…especially Christmas music and the bright lights on the Christmas tree! Rudy’s enthusiasm and energy is a joy to watch and he’s certainly taking his cues from the big kids!
Rudy is battling relentless congestion but he has been able to keep up with his therapy and school schedule. He is officially going to school “by himself” with the help of Nurse Marie and is adjusting very well. The loud bus ride is a bit distressing for him but once he gets to school, he is happy and motivated to learn. We’ve noticed a huge leap in his desire to verbalize and he is now saying two-word sentences such as “Hi Mama” and “All done”. It’s pretty thrilling and no matter how often he proudly repeats himself, it doesn’t get old! He’s even starting to “sing” a bit by inserting key words into songs. SO FUN! As always, it’s just so much more fun to show you rather than tell you about it…so sit back–this may take awhile…
And Rudy’s last bath in the old sink…
I’ll never tire of hearing this…
Singing with Mama…
Drumming with Daddy…
And playing with Maxo…
I was very interested in seeing the Gabrielle Giffords and Mark Kelly interview on 20/20 Monday night. I knew it would be an inspiring report but I was not prepared for my emotional response to their story. Shortly after the start of the show, I felt the tears welling up and by the second commercial, I was literally sobbing. Now I admit I’m an easy mark…I’m known to get a little weepy over Folgers commercials (you know the one when the older brother comes home early from college for the holidays and surprises his younger sister when she smells the coffee he is making and they visit over a cup of joe before their parents join them in the kitchen? Classic!) and old reruns of “Little House On The Prairie” that I’ve seen more than a couple of dozen times (those darn heart to heart moments between Pa Ingalls and Half-pint get me every time!!!). So, yes, it doesn’t take much to get me reaching for the Kleenex box but I was quite surprised at how deeply I was moved by the remarkable progress Congresswoman Giffords has made since being shot and surviving severe brain injury just 10 months ago.
I’m not even sure what I got so emotional over…it was a well constructed report and the producers did a good job of building the story for the maximum emotional response but my response was less about the content and more about the images…I was fixated on the hospital video clips that showed the Congresswoman’s trach and her all-too-familiar medical supplies( I couldn’t help but compare them to what Rudy uses) and then was struck by the image of her in the interview looking bright and beautiful with barely a scar where the trach used to be. I was mesmerized by the familiarity of hearing her first whispered words (similar to Rudy’s) as she relearned not only how to talk but how to talk with a trach (!) and then contrasted that image with her animated responses to Diane Sawyer’s questions. Although the circumstances of her journey are vastly different from Rudy’s, there is much in her story that I can relate to and I couldn’t help but be profoundly encouraged. I have a new favorite quote that came out of the special. It wasn’t clear to me if the quote came out of their new book or was part of Diane Sawyer’s scripted report but it went like this… Their story is about “the courage you need when the life you live is not the life you planned and you learn there have to be many definitions of ‘a beautiful day’”. Yes, yes…so many definitions!!
On a much smaller scale, I hope we can be that kind of encouragement to others too. I was in Kmart the other day with Rudy and the cashier peppered me with a handful of very direct questions about Rudy while he rang up my purchases. He was visibly disturbed when I quietly explained that Rudy was born with half a heart. He stumbled through his next few sentences and as he finished processing my payment, he apologized for being too intrusive to which I replied “No, it’s okay. I don’t mind, besides, it’s important you know you just played peek-a-boo with a miracle!” The smile that came over that cashier’s face was priceless…I was smiling too and that’s not something I do very often in our Kmart. Oh, that God would bring more and more encouragement…and not only an abundance of encouragement for ALL of us but also the ability for us to recognize it and be touched by it when we do recognize it which will then inspire us to do more than we think is humanly possible. Thank you for being that kind of encouragement to us for so long. We are so grateful!
Speaking of videos and progress and talking and miracles…check out our little school boy reciting his abc’s!!!!!!:
Life’s been running full lately with school, work, football and band. Makes the evenings at home few and far between, but today we got out in the cul de sac and did our thing. Rudy loves rolling himself around…likes it even better if Max does high speed fly-bys on the scooter.
Rudy's Beat 