FOMO

As the summer winds down the activity level in our household is ramping up. Back-to-school shopping, garage storage reorganizing and car decorating are all indicators that Max and Olivia are ready for the new school year. Olivia headed off today for her first day of her Senior year with a giant smile on her face. Max is dutifully organizing his boxes of college gear and getting packed up for his return to Point Loma on Sunday. Wilson is busy keeping in tip-top physical condition with his daily workout regimen and ruck-marches and with Rolf at work that leaves me to hold down the fort at home. I have slowed down to a literal standstill making my fear of missing out escalate to an all-time high. Just this morning, for example, Rolf and Olivia went out to take the traditional first-day-of-school pictures and it was so hard for me to not be out in the middle of it. The family has their full days of activity, constantly coming and going (as they should and as I want them to)…I watch them come and go with a deep longing to be a part of the action. Unfortunately this is the new normal and I better figure out a way to be at peace with it before it drives me stark mad.

A few months ago I mentioned that I got a speech-generating device. One of my frustrations has been the lack of technical support I received from the company. My speech pathologist encouraged me to work with the technology before I actually needed it but the company rep with whom I was supposed to train was never available. ‘Turns out, it’s all a moot point after all because I lost use of my hands and my ability to communicate effectively at the same time. As a result I am now in the process of getting eye gaze hardware installed in the unit. It is very intuitive and easy to use and will be a game-changer for me in my ability to communicate my needs so please pray for a speedy response from insurance and all the powers-that-be. I really would love to have this resource while I can still move my eyes. So much of this process has been trying to get ahead of and prepare for an unpredictable disease which is particularly difficult when you’re also trying to conserve your energy for things that really matter. If only we had a crystal ball. Ha Ha!

Speaking of technology…we pulled out Rudy’s old iPad a couple of weeks ago to do some streaming on an old TV and were delighted to discover a video he recorded on our road trip along Route 66 the day before he passed away…Technology is amazing!

Last worship set for the summer
Having some fun with the Senior ID
Senior in da houuuuse

On Earth and In Heaven

My last post didn’t end with it’s publishing…God heard my heart and spoke directly to my concerns.  So here’s the rest of the story…

After writing about my struggle with “fading away”, the boys randomly shared one of their latest favorite songs with me and the third verse of the song took my breath away:

“Should the fire that once burned bright become an ember my eyes can’t see, I will remember Your sacrifice, I will abide in Your love for me”

Click HERE to listen to the whole song.  It is like salve to my soul every time I listen to it.  Now, I know that abide means to live or dwell but I wanted to see if there was a deeper meaning I could explore so I looked up its definition.  As if Merriam Webster wrote the third definition especially for me, I marveled at it’s relevance:

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Although the definition is in reference to a feeling or memory, it has a much more literal application for me..should the fire that once burned bright become an ember my eyes can’t see, I will remember Your sacrifice and continue without fading or being lost in Your love for me!!  Amen, Amen!!!!  Thanks Boys, your song recommendation rocks and the tender reminder of this simple truth helps cut the sting of today a bit – as do all the sweet, generous and inspired comments & messages from you, dear friends, thank you! 😉

Hey, speaking of inspired, the DP girls lacrosse team endured a tough loss at the championship on Friday but surfaced with big smiles thanks to good friends and some post-game IHOP pancakes!!

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The tears we shed, we all agreed, were over the fact that the season is over.  Selfishly, I wish lax were a year-round sport.  Thanks Girls for such a thrilling season and so many wonderful memory-making moments!!!

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Another season ended this weekend.  I officially handed my worship baton off to the kids on Sunday.  Although it’s not something I planned to do on Mother’s Day specifically, it seems poetic in retrospect.  😉  God used my involvement in worship ministry over the years to shape me and give me a special community of friends with whom I share a love for God and music!  To be entrusted with the task of leading others in worship is something I always considered an honor and never took for granted.  Though my heart will continue to worship, I’ll miss leading desperately.  How grateful I am it’s one activity done on earth AND in heaven!IMG_3610

Someday I’ll be able to do this again!

Livy and I got to go to a friend’s baby shower on Saturday too so I dusted off the Anna Quindlen essay I’ve given to all my new mom friends for decades…best advice ever and a sweet reflection to be reminded of on Mother’s Day weekend!

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So true!!  Olivia asked me at dinner last night what age I enjoyed parenting the most and I couldn’t choose.  I simply adored my babies, my toddlers were soooooo cute, I loved all the activity of the school years and, like Anna, I wound up with the three people I like best in the world (plus Rolf and Rudy, of course).  How grateful I am that love is something that exists on earth and in heaven!  😉  Praying for peace and lightheartedness in the midst of a string of emotionally packed days.

 

A Night To Remember

To say that last night may have shaved a few months off my life would not be an exaggeration but OH. WAS. IT. WORTH. IT!!!  Not only was it DP GLAX’s last home game of the regular season AND Senior Night AND Olivia’s 100th Varsity Goal but it also included a nail-biter of a game that went into double overtime with friendly local rivals San Marcos!!  Oh my gosh.  SO FUN!!!!

This is a story better told in pictures and, lucky for us, Greg Lawler captured all the action!

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7B1A5626San Marcos played a really strong game from the start and the SM defense targeted Olivia most of the game 🙂 …

…but she was able to score 3 times and this is the celebratory stick click after goal #100!

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We’re not bitter or anything but Greg captured proof of a bad crease violation call that cost Brooke a key goal!  Look at her amazing foot placement (white cleats) outside the blue line  ! !  😉  Ha

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Celebrating Sydney’s double OT, sudden death, game winning goooooooooooooooooal!

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Celebrating with friends

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The boys were close at heart as evidenced in the family text thread after the game!!!

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My heart is full and I share in Olivia’s Insta-gratitude…

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The girls have one more big game against Thatcher before play-offs.  Watching Livy and her team play is the highlight of my weekly routine right now…oh how I hate to see the regular season end…may they go far in the play-offs!

A Good Friday Experience

Ok, I know I’m over posting this week but I was really moved by the Good Friday service we went to last night and I wanted to record it here for future reference.  The service was personally significant because everyone in my family participated in it but me…Rolf was asked to share a reflection on a passage from Isaiah, Olivia sang and the boys were in charge of the “hammer” and bell percussion.  It wasn’t hard for me to feel a little left out at first (I’m finding that it isn’t hard to let go of things I no longer have the energy to do but it is difficult to no longer feel useful…especially in the areas where I had legitimate skill) but then my heart responded to the invitation to engage in what was happening and I was all in.  🙂  I know I’m going to want to reflect on it some more so I’m including my favorite parts below…you’re welcome to join me.  The videos aren’t much to look at so I recommend you find a comfy place to sit, dim the lights, close your eyes and soak it in…

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The heaviness and sadness of Christ’s crucifixion continues today on this dark Saturday of the Christian calendar but the celebration of the resurrection is just hours away!!!  May the weight of all the sad and difficult things in life be lifted for us all as we get swept up in the joy and hope of Easter Sunday…and may we bask in a holy weightlessness for a long, long season to come!

Suffering

Wilson is getting a lot of blog press this week!   😉  He is two weeks away from graduating so there will be more fun to report soon but this is a packed season for him both literally and emotionally as he turns the page on this very special chapter in his life at APU and transitions to the next.

Thanks to technology, we got to tune into a livestream of Wilson’s last chapel on campus and his worship team led the students in one of my favorite hymns.  How special!  Wilson’s prayer after the song ministered to me specifically when he prayed “may we be reminded of the visceral reality of the crucifixion”.  More on that in a minute but here is the hymn and prayer filmed from the comforts of home…;)

I led worship at our church on Palm Sunday and got a little weepy missing Rudy as the children paraded around the sanctuary with their palm fronds…

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Palm Sunday 2017

Through my tears, I shared an insight that came to light for me the day before while reading the gospel accounts of Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem (what we commemorate on Palm Sunday).  I always considered Jesus’ suffering beginning in the garden of Gethsemane right before He was arrested when he asked God to take away what was to come and cried tears of blood…such a vivid image of his anguish.  When I read Luke’s account, however, it’s clear that Jesus was heartbroken even before entering the city days earlier.  He knew what was coming and wept for Jerusalem.  What a sad and lonely few days that must have been for Jesus.

Although I’ve spent lots of time thinking about it,  I’ve never really been able to identify with Christ’s suffering.  I don’t know why…maybe it’s because of my Protestant upbringing where we can sometimes rush past the sorrow of Good Friday to indulge in the much more fun truths of Easter morning…or maybe it’s just how I’m wired but because I have the benefit of knowing Christ’s amazing victory, the depth of His suffering is hard for me to grasp and I think that’s okay…maybe the practical take away and value of pondering the Passion is not that I identify with Christ’s suffering but rather that I know that Christ is able to identify with my suffering…particularly comforting to me now.  So, for me, today, to be reminded “of the visceral reality of the crucifixion” is to be reminded that my God, my humble Savior, the One who conquered the consequences of sin for me understands what it means to suffer and therefore understands my deepest heart cries.  Thank you Jesus!  Thank you for your empathetic love in the here and now and for the gift of eternal life to come…your journey of suffering gives me both!!!

In other news:

Olivia is TWO goals away from reaching her 100th varsity goal…we’re hoping she’ll reach this LAX milestone at Tuesday’s home game against San Marcos.  If you’re local, you’re welcome to join us at DPs football field at 6pm.  No individual athlete reaches these kinds of milestones alone…it’s a reflection of the whole team working well together and it’s such a delight to watch these girls play!

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Thanks to Greg Lawler we got some fun shots of last Tuesday’s exciting win against Cate!

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Not a bad backdrop for lax!

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Brooke battling for Olivia’s draw.

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GOAL!!!

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Cutest fans ever!

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Celebratory dinner at Kyles with Coach Sam!!

The MOHD Squad is excited to have the boys home this weekend.  ‘Wishing you a blessed Good Friday and Happy Easter dear ones!!!!

Life Lessons

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Our biggest boy turned 22 on Tuesday and he spent a good bit of his birthday preparing for and sharing at an FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) meeting on his campus.  Luckily a friend taped it so we could enjoy it too.  I’m so grateful for Wilson’s willingness to share and glimpses like this into the kids’ lives whether it be them sharing from the heart or their musical performances or athletic competitions because it’s all evidence of life being fully lived – especially important to me right now.  Being able to process and finding healthy outlets are key to navigating life’s challenges and I’m grateful the kids are learning these important life lessons early.  We’re also learning that we process differently (i.e Olivia’s art, Rolf’s poems, Max’s songs, Wilson’s testimonies, my blog posts to name a few)….and that’s not only okay but is something I cherish because the variety makes the collective experience so much richer.

Wilson, thank you for your loving tribute, for the reminder of all the goodness in Psalm 23 and the challenge to “maximize God”…well done!

 

Speaking of healthy outlets, here’s some more…

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Fun with friends at Switchfoot!!!

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Max rockin’ the scoober in some fierce Ultimate Frisbee fun at Loma!

The DP Lady Laxers are on a fun winning streak as they near the end of their regular season…

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Celebrating at Kyles Kitchen

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Cheered on by Gma Jo and Aunt Michelle!!

 

Rolf’s latest poem:

Put down the scalpel
Take off the apron
no need for the broom or the gloves

Too many words only bring more confusion 
The deepest mining won’t unearth a reason
Or uncover any satisfactory solution

The suggestions were all obvious
before they were made
None would be as welcome 
as some company in the helplessness
Another to simply marvel at the mess

Yearning to draw close enough to feel the fire’s warmth against my cheeks
Yet primed to leap back into darkness 
Your eyes know 
Your touch welcomes me where a grab will scare me off

Let me hear your small talk
Let me chuckle at your jokes
Not looking to be fixed
Just to be OK for a moment

No right thing to say
Words don’t bring the comfort
Of a companion in the quiet