Our family was so moved to be surrounded by such love–both present and across great distance.
Livestream recording from Rudy’s service.
Rudy Slideshow shown at the service
Livestream information
Rudy’s funeral service livestream will be on Rolf’s Facebook page Monday, 11am Pacific.
http://www.facebook.com/rolf.geyling
Thanks so much.
Clinton Rudolf Geyling (10/1/2008-7/25/2017)
Beloved son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, friend, student, robot and pig, our Rudy’s joyful and miraculous journey with us has come to an end.
Even knowing that he would face enormous challenges before he was born didn’t prepare us for the magnitude of the battle that lay ahead. While acute medical issues were ever-present in his life, Rudy will be remembered more by his ability to overcome limitations and embrace life with joy and abandon. Against a backdrop of uncertainty, heartbreak and occasional terror, Rudy’s life gave us glimpses of God’s goodness and beauty we never conceived this world could hold.
Rudy leaves behind a family that loved him deeply: parents, Rolf and Trish, the siblings he adored, Wilson, Max and Olivia, grandmothers JoAn Wilson (Lawrence, KS) and Helga Geyling (Auburn, AL) and numerous aunts, uncles, cousins and extended family across the U.S. and Europe.
One could live 100 years and not experience the depth of love Rudy received in eight and a half years. We are grateful for people near and far who poured such incredible love into Rudy including: the family of Coast Community Church of the Nazarene, Mountain View School and dedicated professionals in the Goleta and SB County school districts, gifted doctors and compassionate medical providers in Santa Barbara and at UCLA Mattel Children’s Hospital, the caring community of the Santa Barbara Rescue Mission, our courageous cadre of special needs families and countless neighbors, friends, blog readers and even perfect strangers–all of whom discovered that even the simplest care extended to him was reciprocated with an uncannily disproportionate outpouring of his unique brand of Rudy-love.
Viewing and visitation will be Sunday August 6th from 3-7pm at Coast Community Church of the Nazarene (4973 Via Los Santos, Santa Barbara, CA 93111). Funeral service will be on Monday August 7th, 11am at Living Faith Church (4597 Hollister Avenue, Santa Barbara, CA 93110–carpooling recommended). Burial and family receiving immediately to follow the service at Goleta Cemetery (44 S San Antonio Rd, Santa Barbara, CA 93110). All are welcome wearing bright colors, especially Rudy blue (aqua blue).
Memorial donations in Rudy’s honor can be made to the Santa Barbara Rescue Mission (535 E. Yanonali, Santa Barbara, CA, 93103), a very special place to Rudy and our family.
Service Information
Rudy’s service and burial information:
- We will be having a viewing at our home church on Sunday August 6th from 3-7pm. Address: Coast Community Church of the Nazarene at 4973 Via Los Santos, Santa Barbara, Ca 93111
- Rudy’s service will be at a different location on Monday August 7th at 11am. Address: Living Faith Church at 4597 Hollister Avenue, Santa Barbara, CA 93110
- His burial will immediately follow the service. All are welcome to attend. The Goleta Cemetery (44 S San Antonio Rd, Santa Barbara, CA 93110) is located across the street from Living Faith Church.
For those who are able to come, we look forward to being together and celebrating this life that was dear to us all. For those unable to make the trip, we hope to live stream the service through the church’s system or on FB so stay tuned for more information regarding that. We’re encouraging everyone to wear bright colors, especially Rudy blue (aqua blue).
There is much to celebrate as we deeply mourn the loss of Rudy. Thank you, in advance, for helping us lay our boy to rest with your remembrances, your prayers, your presence at the services and with your love & hugs from afar…it all is profoundly meaningful.
Not Today
The outpouring of love and kindness and remembrances on Instagram, FB, in texts, emails and phone calls has truly buoyed our family in the midst of this crushing loss. All the messages and photos make us cry but also fill us with a profound sense of being surrounded…especially meaningful as we navigate this from so far away.
I so appreciate Rolf sharing about our last day together as a family with Rudy…it really was magical. Although we are all grieving differently, I’m grateful for our family’s ability to process thoughts and feelings verbally right now as things surface. Not to overshadow Rolf’s post, but I wanted to share my memories of Rudy’s last day before the details start to fade.
To say “losing Rudy is beyond comprehension” would be an understatement. In my mind, his decline was going to be gradual…we were going to see it coming…we were going to do hospice at home with the help of “Nell”, our friend who also happens to be a hospice nurse. In my mind, we were going to be cuddled in bed, surrounded by people we love. In my mind, Rudy’s last moments would be peaceful and he would hear our goodbyes…might have even had the presence of mind to usher him into heaven with a favorite hymn. I had it all planned out…in my mind.
What unfolded was a very different scenario. Just Sunday we headed off to church with our big 15 passenger van rental packed full and ready to embark on an epic road trip to visit family in Kansas. We were excited to travel along Route 66 and see the beauty of the Southwest. It was going to take us 3 long days of driving to get to our destination but we planned to make some fun stops along the way. Monday was a particularly incredible day (as Rolf already shared) and we pulled into Guymon, OK a little after 11pm for our final overnight stay before reaching my mom’s on Tuesday. We all fell into bed, slept soundly and woke up bright and early Tuesday morning ready for a fun stop in Wichita to visit friends before heading on up to Lawrence. Rudy woke up happy, sat on the floor playing with his new flatbed truck toy he got the day before, asked to watch Paw Patrol on TV and happily stayed in the room while the rest of us ate breakfast in the lobby in shifts. When we got back to the room, I asked Wilson to give Rudy a quick bath while the rest of us packed up and loaded the van. Rudy was cold after his bath so once Wilson got him dressed, Olivia snuggled with him under the bed covers and bumped up his O2 as she typically does when we need to warm him up but he was still uncomfortable. Although it was early, the air temperature outside was already heating up so Olivia suggested he might warm up faster in the van. She carried him to his car seat and I followed behind with the O2 concentrator. Rudy was fussy but there was NOTHING going on to suggest there was something serious happening. Olivia left us to go get her things and I saddled up next to Rudy to comfort him while we waited for the others.
Without warning, he got quiet, he might have opened his eyes a bit and the next thing I knew I could only see the whites of his eyes and he became unresponsive. I yelled to Rolf to call 911, he ran into the lobby and the clerk at the desk told him it would be faster to drive to the hospital ourselves…in seconds the big kids flew into the van, the doors slammed shut, I unbuckled Rudy, put him on my lap and, not detecting a breath, began doing mouth to mouth. Rolf had us at the hospital in less than 5 minutes, Wilson grabbed Rudy from me and ran him into the ER. The amazing team in the ER began working on him immediately…chest compressions, intubation, defibrillator…the big sibs settled in the ER waiting area and Rolf joined me with Rudy. For the next 45 minutes, we watched for any sign of life in our boy, waited for the gasp of air that would suddenly bring him back, occasionally called out “We’re here Rudy…Mommy and Daddy are right here”. Feeling completely helpless I remember cheering on Nurse Mary who was relentless in giving Rudy chest compressions…”Don’t stop Mary. Keep going!”…all the while whispering under my breath…”Not today, Rudy, not today”. At one point, the mood in the room changed ever so slightly and Rolf whispered in my ear “they’re only doing this for us now”. The ER doctor looked up at me without saying a word but kept working…a few minutes later he walked up to me and Rolf and said that they were able to get his heart rate up a bit but there hadn’t been any blood flow to his brain for too long. With that, I said “we’re done”, climbed up on the gurney with Rudy and started taking all the wires and tubes off of him. Rolf left to get the big sibs, the room cleared and there we were, just as we were when our journey with Rudy’s heart defect began, the 5 of us huddled in a medical examination room in disbelief trying to process what just happened. We each took time to hold Rudy and love on him. It was tender. It was sweet.
We were informed a little while later that because of the special circumstances of the case, the fact that it crosses state lines and to follow a protocol to rule out child abuse, the OK state medial examiner wouldn’t release Rudy to us without an investigation which required him to be transported to OK City. The local mortician, Bob, promised he would take special care of Rudy in the meantime. So, with that, we made the agonizing decision to leave Rudy in Guymon and make our way to Lawrence to be with family and try to figure out what to do next. Rudy’s body arrived in OK City sometime Tuesday evening and by Wednesday morning the medical examiner was finished with his investigation and notified us he was ready to be released. Rolf, with the help of our good friend and funeral planner Chris, arranged for Rudy to be released in the care of a mortuary in OK City who is now working with the mortuary in Goleta to coordinate Rudy’s transport back to CA…a surreal logistical puzzle that Rolf is excellently executing remotely by phone.
I know this is more information than anyone needs or wants but I wanted to record it for me…for us…for the big sibs and their families when I’m long gone. Like our dear friends who have walked this road before us, I understand now the importance of holding on to details and not wanting the details to slip away.
In the hours since losing our boy, I’ve played it back over and over many times and although it isn’t at all how I planned it would be…I’m at peace with how it played out…honestly, it was a reminder of how little control we have in life. EVER. We had to surrender every detail of that morning…there were no choices…no room for stating preferences. We put our boy in the care of perfect strangers in a completely unfamiliar place and, in less than 3 hours from first arriving at the ER… drove away. Even now I wonder how in the world we did that! God was and IS so present. We are experiencing His peace in the midst of the excruciating pain…everything aches…my head, my teeth, my body, my bones…the pain is so deep and I sometimes find myself begging for relief but there is peace.
So what do we do now? Plans are underway to get our family back to California this weekend. Although the details are not confirmed, we are hoping to have Rudy’s service and burial sometime around August 7th. Please keep an eye out for service details in the coming days. In the meantime, pray for our family…we need wisdom and grace, good communication and clarity as we move forward in the next couple of weeks especially. We love our worldwide circle of family and friends so dearly and can’t thank you enough for loving our family and our boy the way you have the past 8 1/2 years. We are humbled and lifted up by the love all at the same time. Forever grateful, Trish
Something I want to remember
Dear friends,
So much to feel and so much to sort through in our heads and hearts. Much as I want to start this off with assurances that we’re all right, that’d be lying. We are crushed and aching. Most accurate to say that we have some “OK moments”. We are grateful to be together as a family and with extended family.
We’ve so appreciated all the posts and messages–more than we could ever respond to. Such care for our family and a testament of the love that marked Rudy’s life.
As I’ve got a moment where I feel clear-headed enough to write, I want to remind myself of the beauty of Rudy’s last moments. The long-awaited family adventure driving across the southwest to Kansas. In his trademark relentlessness, for weeks there was the daily barrage of “I go Grandma’s house now?” several times an hour.
Travel day started with church, where Rudy felt so safe and loved. He chose to go sit with some teen boys. Having gotten the usual “Go away, Dad!” I sat by myself while the musically talented members of the family (everyone else) led worship. Was so touched to get glimpses across several rows of attentive pats on his back, kids familiar enough with his O2 setup to be adjusting tubes and keeping it from getting tangled, whispers and gestures to keep him mostly quiet.
Then the van adventure was on. Time together seeing new places, laughing and dozing in the van. Deploying in and out of rest stops and hotels–with the rotating care for Rudy that’s just been part of life for our family.
We didn’t know Monday was going to be our last day with Rudy, but so glad it turned out the way it did. At our quick stop to see a corner in Winslow, AZ, Rudy was giddy to pick out a shiny blue truck. As the clerk picked up on his enthusiasm for Cars and Lightning McQueen she gave us directions to the Wigwam Hotel up the interstate in Holbrook–the inspiration for the movie’s Cozy Cone Motel.
Even as it was happening, I knew I’d never forget it. Our little boy squealing as he scurried around the muddy gravel parking lot of the kitschy little place with its eclectic assortment of cars. Many of them didn’t appear to run and most barely looked anything like the movie characters but that didn’t stop his identifying them as such. “Look! Hudson! Doc! Sarge! Fillmore! Ramon! Mater!”
He would run himself breathless, ask to be carried and just as quickly demand to walk again. A maid even let him go inside one of the rooms to check it out. Heard his newest expression “I’m so excited!!!” many times. The big sibs entered into the experience like they always do, taking turns holding his hand, the oxygen concentrator and carrying him when he needed it. Gave Trish and I the chance to have one of those “Did you ever think we’d see our little boy doing this?” moments.
I’m so glad we were aware of this and so glad that this was what marked Rudy’s last days with us: being immersed in the love of the family smitten with him and being rendered breathless by his ability to extract more joy from a moment than any of us ever could.
We’ve seen things more beautiful than we ever knew existed. The weight of losing this is unbearable. So grateful for people who’ve walked with us and trusting that this will be what God uses to lead us from here.
More when we can.
Rolf
No words.
Clinton Rudolf Geyling
Our Rudy,
b. 10-01-2008
d. 7-25-2017
Summer 2017
Woo Hoo! Summer vacation is finally here for Rudy. Yesterday was Rudy’s last day of the “Extended School Year” program AND his last day of therapy for a few weeks which means today is his first official unscheduled summer day! It also coincides with Max and Olivia’s return from camp which is very exciting for all of us…they’ve been missed a ton this week! 😉
Although Rudy likes school and enjoys his full, active days, it’s good for us to take this break from everything every year (I even try to limit the number of dr. appts scheduled this month). Taking August off from Rudy’s regular schedule is something that has evolved over the years – part of pacing ourselves for the marathon – and it has served us well. Rudy heads back refreshed (me too) and eager to start the school year again. We’ll resume his weekly OT/PT schedule when school starts on August 23rd.
July has included a couple of big events that have been concerning and distracting…making it hard to focus on the daily “to dos” and filling our minds…but it has also been filled with a variety of special occasions and visits with friends filling our hearts so I guess it all evens out in the end. 😉
Here’s a pictorial review:
Summer often brings friends to town on their summer vacations and more time to spend with local friends. There will be more to come before the end of summer but here’s a look at some of our fun with friends so far this month!!!
And with that, we say goodbye to the 2016/2017 school year and say hello to Summer 2017… “HELLO SUMMER”!
Living in Limbo
I apologize if I’m beginning to sound like a broken record but I’m not a big fan of living in limbo. On one hand, it seems like a pretty straight forward concept…”an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition” and because we’ve been in this “intermediate state” as it relates to Rudy’s medical journey since 2010 AND because we’ve come to terms with not hanging our hat on the hope of the Glenn or heart transplant at this point, you’d think the whole “limbo” thing would become kind of a moot point. The reality for me, however, is that I’m still wrestling with how that plays out in real time and I’m still exploring the complicated (and not so straight forward) layers of living in a prolonged state of limbo…primarily, of course, because it’s uncertain.
This isn’t the first time Rolf and I have lived in limbo. There was a period of about 7 years when we left the work we were doing in South Central Los Angeles, before we made our move to Santa Barbara where we waited on God for direction. It was a perplexing time because we knew without a doubt that God had called us to leave one situation but it was not accompanied by a clear calling TO the next thing whether it be a specific job or ministry or even location. We moved seven times during that season and had close to 10 odd jobs between the two of us to make ends meet…it was a challenging time and I fought the temptation to be consumed by the uncertainty of it all on a daily basis. I am a woman of order and discipline and I very much dislike it when my life is NOT orderly and disciplined. ‘Doesn’t bode well for someone living in a constant state of uncertainty…until I learned that uncertainty doesn’t have to be a chaotic, negative thing but can be “an expression of breathless expectation” (quoted from Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest/April 29). I grew to see the truth of that insight for our family back then and though the circumstances are different, I must believe it’s true for our family now as well…
Rudy had his 2-month appointment with his local cardiologist yesterday. Again, nothing dramatically different was revealed in his echo…just evidence of the slow progression his heart is journeying. Rudy’s hemoglobin is up from 21 to 22.9 (normal would be around 13). To put things in perspective, Dr. Harake explained that Rudy’s enlarged right atrium and right ventricle are bigger than a big adult’s right atrium and ventricle would be which led to another discussion about physics which led to the warning that there is a limit to the pressure Rudy’s enlarged heart will be able to sustain. He admitted that he just doesn’t know what will happen (there’s the uncertain part). He hasn’t heard of a case of HLHS where the child has survived pre-Glenn as long as Rudy without surgical treatment…no doubt a miracle (definitely falls into the breathless expectation category) but, still, there is this nagging ache on which the fear of it all feeds (there’s the human nature component). It’s difficult to separate the two realities. As we left the examination room, Dr. H said we were doing a great job, gave me a reassuring hug and told me that he learns something new from me at every appointment…(his comment made me giggle because I had JUST had a conversation with someone about “everything happening for a reason” and how I don’t believe tragic things happen for a specific purpose but that I do believe purpose can be birthed from tragic circumstances…hmmmm, either way, it’s always helpful to keep an eye on the big picture and Dr. H’s comment was a sweet reminder of that).
So, where am I going with all this? I have no idea…this is most definitely me externally processing but I do take comfort in the reminder that uncertainty creates room for endless possibility…I’ll keep you posted 🙂
This week has been full of work around home and more appointments but last week had something significant each day. Here’s a week in the life of Rudy…
Monday –
Tuesday –
Wednesday –
Thursday –
Friday –
Ha Ha! June is wrapping up quick around here. We’re gearing up for the 4th of July holiday and Vacation Bible School next week at our church…living in limbo doesn’t feel so bad when there’s lots of fun to be had! Bless you friends and thank you for your prayers!
WOWzers!
So, I’m just not sure we could have squeezed anything else into the last week and a half. The out-of-towners have come and gone (accept for Oma who is staying one more week), Max’s weeklong celebration with his classmates is over, Olivia went to an out of town Lacrosse tournament and back, Rudy had a full week of medical appointments and Wilson made it home safe and sound from Ft. Knox, KY late last night after his month in Madagascar. In between, there were pool parties and crazy antics and food (so much food!). Needless to say, today is clear of any commitments so I’m staying in bed as long as possible. 😉
The months of senior activities and fun anticipation for the DP Class of 2017 culminated in last Thursdays graduation celebration…it was so fun to share the day with our out of town guests and hometown friends!
After graduation, we hosted a house full of friends to celebrate and it was rich. Max’s godmother, who flew in all the way from Wichita, shared some beautiful scripture and words of affirmation & blessing AND Coach Mollkoy (for whom Max TA’d this year) had a special presentation too! Max felt well celebrated and expressed his gratitude for all the love from family and friends on more than one occasion! Yay! So grateful!
After all that, Rudy still had one more day of school…
Our church has an annual tradition of recognizing the graduates on “Graduation Sunday”…those promoting from 6th grade to Jr. High and from 8th grade to High School, as well as the High School and College graduates. ‘So excited for this bunch!
One of the things I love most about our church is the “team effort” that goes into the investment of our youth…this certainly was demonstrated in the comments shared with (and about) Max during the service…well done, dear friends, thank you, thank you!!
We are so grateful to our moms and KS nephews and Max’s godmother for making the effort to come all the way to California for Max! Their presence made all the celebrating even more special for sure…well done everybody and thank you, thank you!!
Medical Update:
Rudy’s one-week break between the end of the school year last Friday and the start of summer school this coming Monday is almost over. As it turned out, it was packed with routine dr. appts Monday through Thursday. We still have neurology, cardiology and a trip to the dental clinic at UCLA coming up in a couple of weeks but we were able to check gastroenterology, orthopedics and the bi-annual visit to the heart clinic off our list this week. The news from GI is that Rudy is losing weight and needs to bulk up a bit so an increase to his daily volume of Pediasure has been ordered. Our appointment at UCLA’s heart clinic yesterday was exceptionally long (with a nearly hour long echo) but there isn’t any major change in Rudy’s heart function since December…a good thing! The most surprising news this week came from the orthopedist who determined that Rudy no longer needs his braces!!!! I didn’t see that coming AT ALL and it took me a few seconds to process what he meant. Ha Ha Dr. Early recommended we stop using the braces and track Rudy’s falls (an increase in falls may mean a return to the braces) but he suspects Rudy will grow in leg strength pretty quickly now that the calf muscle will be free to move and get exercised. As a result, our day in LA yesterday included a trip to Famous Footwear for a pair of new shoes AND new sandals!!!! Rudy is so proud!
Speaking of LA, when we finished at UCLA, we stopped for lunch in Westwood and ran into the echo technicians who conducted Rudy’s echo…guess who elbowed his way into their lunch break?
So, as always, there is much to celebrate and much to ponder. In the meantime, we’ll continue to focus on quality time with family and friends and remember to breathe once in a while!
Rudy's Beat 