Thursday evenings I’m greeted by a stack of paper that’s often larger than any facing me at the office. This is the day that the kids bring home their Thursday folders with lots of completed coursework, bulletins from teachers and the like. Lately, most of the stuff has been getting a half-hearted scan but this one stopped me in my tracks tonight:
It’s easy to get lulled into thinking that Trish and I are fighting for Rudy while the rest of the family watches, but Max reminded me of the fact that there are six of us fighting together. The kids may not own this the way Trish and I can, but they are bearing loads of their own. Overall, I am so impressed with them and their ability to navigate this time, thanks largely to people who have come alongside them. They are doing well under far-from-ideal circumstances–with Trish and I taking turns in LA and seeing a different arrangement caretakers after school. On more than one occasion, each of them has said they wished life was “normal again”. The way they tend to display their stress is in feeling emotion out of proportion to the circumstance–a small disappointment becomes a tantrum; minor anger becomes a tirade.
About a month ago Trish and I realized that as important as it is for us to be with Rudy in the CTICU, it’s just as important for us to be in Goleta with Wilson, Max and Olivia. I can’t even begin to thank everyone who has paid special attention to our kids in the midst of this. In addition to praying that Max’s wish will come true, I also pray that he, Wilson and Olivia will emerge intact from the battle. In meeting with a friend this week, he stressed the importance of making sure that they know that we would just as quickly drop everything for them as we are doing for Rudy–and that might mean giving them attention at Rudy’s expense. Challenging to do, but Rudy is being watched closely and prayed for by hundreds whether we’re there or not. So in the upcoming week, we’re intent on making sure that our Christmas, unique as it may be this year, will include times of uninterrupted focus on these three super kids.
Well, our little fighter looks like he spent the day in the ring! Rudy has had a very full day and looks pretty pale and beat up but he’s holding steady. The challenge today has been to find his balance again…his heart rate and blood pressure have been high and, at times, his sats have been low. Anytime he has a procedure it takes a while to fine-tune the meds just right so everything works together. He also has had a fever off and on which Dr. Rick described as a post-op fever…most likely caused by the inflammation in the chest cavity produced during the pleurodesis. Although the procedure itself is relatively minor, the recovery is actually quite painful. Rudy will be monitored closely for pain the next 48 hours as he has many sources of pain…his chest cavity, the incision on his side from today’s surgery, the sutures on each foot from Tuesday’s lymphangiogram attempt, and the new picc line they put in his right arm today because the line in his groin fell out after surgery! I normally have to leave the room when they put picc lines in but today nurse practitioner Anita let me stay if I wore a hair net and mask…I was glad I could stay with Rudy.
Nurse Trish?
As we wait to see whether or not the pleurodesis was effective, we would appreciate your prayers for Rudy’s comfort and the team’s ability to manage his pain the next couple of days. He deserves a long rest and we pray he does so with as little discomfort as possible. There hasn’t been any discussion about starting his formula feeds again and I imagine they’ll wait a day or two on that. Rolf will make his way down tomorrow and stay with Rudy over the weekend…hopefully they’ll both rest comfortably in preparation for a full holiday week next week! I’ll head home tomorrow to be with the kids and do last minute Christmas prep! Our whole family will return to L.A. on Tuesday to spend Christmas with Rudy! How is it that Christmas is only 1 week away? Blessings to you all…
Rudy is back. Once again, he was a real trooper and, I think, is glad to be back in his room safe and sound (I wonder how many guardian angels have been deployed for Rudy over the past 11 weeks?). Nurses Sara and Cheryl have been getting him settled back in with a fresh diaper (they always bring him back from OR diaperless) and fresh blankets so he is looking cozy warm now. Dr. Brian said all went as he expected. He looked for any obvious leakage and couldn’t pinpoint anything specific so he conducted the pleurodesis on the right side. It appeared that there was some drainage coming from the left side out the right chest tube which means that once the right pleural cavity is closed off, fluid could start to collect on the left side requiring a pleurodesis procedure on the left side as well but we’ll have to wait and see. “Why not do both sides at once” you ask? Well, I understand that you wouldn’t ever do both sides simultaneously in case there are complications – you’d need the support of the other lung. So, we’ll relax and see what transpires the next couple of days. Rudy is doing well right now…stable and sleeping. Thank you, dear ones, for your prayers for him today!
In honor of our little red-nosed Rudy, Olivia and our friend Anna share this holiday classic… (press the “play” arrow and wait)
As hoped, Rudy did sleep well last night but in the last hour started the high heart rate and low-grade fever again…praying this morning for strength and stability going into surgery!!! Stay tuned…
It has been a cold, rainy, blustery day here in west L.A. so there hasn’t been much motivation to leave Rudy’s warm room. Rudy’s assignment was to rest, rest, rest today in order to recover from yesterday’s procedure and in preparation for tomorrow’s surgery …he started battling a high heart rate off and on last night and that continued all day today accompanied by red-faced tantrums and general discomfort so he has kept nurse Amy on her toes by setting off his monitor alarm practically every time she sat down to do her charting. Hopefully he’ll be able to sleep well tonight (I know nurse Amy will!). He’s number two in the OR tomorrow so he’ll be transported downstairs late morning/early afternoon. It seems to me that it is taking him longer and longer to recover from his “procedures” so I’m praying tomorrow’s pleurodesis will do the trick for many reasons. Dr. Brian will enter Rudy’s side, irritate or “rough up” the lung and chest cavity lining creating scar tissue so they will fuse together and seal off the pleural cavity. It could take the fluid up to 4 days to stop draining so we’ll have some more waiting to do over the weekend. While he’s in there, Dr. Brian will do some other things to, hopefully, increase our odds of success. The team stopped Rudy’s feeds the night before last and although it seemed his stomach was softer and ready for formula again today they decided not to start the feeds back up again until after tomorrow’s surgery…maybe the extra rest for his stomach will do him some good and make the next attempt at feeding stick!!
Happy 11-week birthday Rudy! You’re a pro-fighter, little man…you deserve a trip to Disneyland!!
As Rolf posted earlier, the attempt at the lymphangiogram was aborted after several attempts to find a vessel big enough…Nurse Jenny described how the doctor and his tech were working with vessels just a tad bit bigger than a strand of hair!!! Amazing… It’s disappointing but not just for us…everyone involved in getting this set up is disappointed and there is comfort in knowing we’re not alone. Rudy has rested comfortably since his return to the room, opening his eyes for a little bit and then falling back into a deep sleep. We’ll hunker-down again and wait for the Pleurodesis to take place on Thursday…Rudy has the #2 slot on the list for that day. Dr. Brian will conduct the procedure through an incision on Rudy’s side…essentially going in and “roughing up” the lung and chest wall so the two will fuse together eliminating the pleural cavity. If it does succeed at getting rid of this fluid then the process of weaning Rudy from the vent could begin next week. If it doesn’t work then we’ll have to go back to waiting for the fluid to stop on it’s own. Dr. Brian described the pleurodesis as the last surgical “ditch effort” in addressing this issue. The risks involved in the procedure itself are minimal…the threat of another disappointment – pretty high BUT, no matter what happens, I’m commited to getting up again, readjusting expectations again and moving forward even if it’s ever-so-slowly! I’m starting to feel a bit like Scarlett O’Hara no matter the disappointments…”afterall, tomorrow is another day”.
On a sweet note, Rudy has gotten alot of special attention today, especially now that he is sporting a brand new hospital gown made ,with love, by Oma. I think Oma has tapped into a new, unexplored market! His little gown is complete with special velcro closures all over to accomodate his lines and tubes – so precious!
a new line in baby hospital gowns!
Your steadfastness in praying is an amazing blessing…thank you for your diligence and faith! I am humbled by the sacrifices made by so many on Rudy’s behalf. Thank you dear friends!!!!!!!
I couldn’t help but daydream a bit since yesterday as I confess I felt some kind of connection between me and Barbie. There’s no reason for alarm as I’m perfectly happy with my wife, but since yesterday I’ve been wondering what would have happened if I met Barbie first. Would life have been one uninterrupted beach day? Would we break it up with happy journeys in the vinyl-coated camper? How many heads would turn as we cruised by in the pink convertible with Skipper along in back? No wonder Ken is always smiling…
The prospects for this weekend had me a bit weary from the outset. While I’m certain the team did everything they could to get the lymphangiogram done last week, there were factors clearly beyond their control. Nonetheless, the prospect of simply having to wait our way through a weekend with little anticipated progress was depressing. As Trish wrote yesterday, the highlights yesterday were offset by the backdrop of how long this journey has been with no idea of an end in sight. Throw in the nagging pinched nerve in my back making it hard to move or find comfortable positions and it has been a challenge to stay positive as we just sit and wait with Rudy. The sheer expanse of time this hospitalization is draining in and of itself. We had an emotional reminder of this yesterday when Trish’s patient armband finally fell off. It’s the one they give moms when they’re admitted and they match it with one on the baby so they know who goes with whom. Mine fell off about six weeks ago, but Trish was more careful in an attempt to keep hers on until Rudy was discharged. It finally gave way yesterday, again signifying the uniqueness of our situation in that it pushes even simple hospital items far beyond their intended lifespan.
Providentially, we had planned on going to our god daughter’s, Jayden Zambrano, dedication at Christian Assembly here in LA. As brief as it was, it was good to see so many good friends from our former church family and ever so good to sit in a familiar place and worship. Thanks everyone. Jayden was resplendent in red velvet and it’s fun to see Joe and Jen, after pouring so much of their lives into other people’s kids, pour into their own. As we prayed over the five babies being dedicated at the service, I prayed for what these parents were setting out on–a journey of joy and love, but one that also holds the potential of stretching them far beyond what they ever imagined. While I would have heard those words and probably spoken them with eloquence previous to Rudy being born, I don’t think I had any idea what it would mean to actually live them. Being parents has asked (no, demanded) more of us than we ever thought we would be able to give, but I suspect that’s also where we’ve come to know how great God’s love and grace is to sustain us through such challenges. I suppose there are some times I actually know God’s grace is sufficient, but more honestly, more often I just have to trust that it is.
We peeled ourselves away from several people we would have wanted to spend the afternoon with to come back here for a couple hours with Rudy before we head up to Santa Barbara where the troops are eagerly awaiting. Trish and I are both very pleased with Rudy’s appearance–his puffy face has receded significantly so we can see his eyes, which were open for a good long visit. As he’s been sleepy most of the weekend, it was fun to have thirty minutes where, after he woke up to Trish’s singing, he was alert and looked calmly back and forth at us. The numbers are holding stable and the prayers being offered for his nutrition are being answered. He’s up to 6ml/hr of formula to his stomach (which means he’s tolerated food for six days straight–compared to about 2days being the longest stretch previously). The team will continue to raise the rate 1ml per day and started dialing back the TPN (intravenous) feeds a corresponding amount–this along with a phasing off of steriods is what’s making his face less puffy and we love that. Looking at him even now, his eyes look like they’re laid closed instead of being pushed closed.
So thanks for your prayers and please continue. Pray that the lymphangiogram would come together Monday and that it would give the team good diagnostic information to address the fluid in Rudy’s chest this week. Progress is coming in small steps, but we’re grateful for it.
With Jayden, Joe and Jen at her dedication.
How cool is it to be friends with such good-looking people?
Well, if you have to spend Christmas in a hospital, I think the best place to be is the MATTEL Children’s Hospital. The staff and volunteers here did a wonderful job putting on a big Christmas bash for the pediatric patients and their families. Eventhough Rudy was unable to attend, the rest of us enjoyed the fun. To be honest, it has been a strange day of fun and fatigue…our dear friends Patsy and Darlene brought the kids this morning just in time to see Santa who came especially to see Rudy before his big appearance at the party. We noticed something familiar about Santa’s gait and the timbre of his voice as he spent the better part of the day walking around the units and attending two Christmas parties for patients and transplant recipients. We also found it strange that a dedicated and friendly doctor like Dan Levi wasn’t anywhere to be seen all day. Hmmmmmmm?
It was great to have the kids here as we hadn’t all been to visit Rudy together since before Thanksgiving so we’re very grateful for Patsy and Darlene making it possible. So here we were in the midst of all the festive fun but also feeling worn and fatigued. Rolf’s continued back pain and the weekend of waiting for the next, highly anticipated test that will hopefully yield some helpful information were weighing heavy on both me and Rolf today. It’s kind of hard to function in such extremes of emotion at the same time and yet I’m glad for today…
The Child Life Play Area on our floor was turned into a winter wonderland complete with festive decorations, craft tables, a Hot Wheels race ramp, and a yummy buffet. Wilson was a good sport and attended the party for a little bit before retreating to Rudy’s room with a big plate of mashed potatoes for some peace and quiet; in typical Max fashion, he enthusiastically participated in all the activities and stayed long after the rest of us followed Wilson’s lead back to Rudy’s room. The highlight of the day for Olivia (and Rolf, too, I might add…see picture below) was meeting Barbie herself – in the flesh!!! Wow! Poor Santa got a pretty cold and timid reception from Olivia but as soon as Barbie walked into the room, she was in heaven!
The highlight of the day for me and Rolf was the visitors we had trickle in throughout the day. Santa and Barbie came to visit Rudy which I know he appreciated deep down inside. Dr. Brian and his sweet family stopped by on their way in between parties and I was excited to see Baby Logan (who was discharged 2 weeks ago) and his Mommy (Rayme) and big sister Emma who came back to join in the holiday fun. A real special surprise was a visit from Cesar and his mom Maria and sister Liz. They had been to the heart transplant recipients party and we were so blessed they took the time to visit us…they were eager to hear how Rudy is doing and, as always, encouraged us so. Cesar looks FANTASTIC and is just as charming as ever.
On the Rudy front, he has continued to handle his nutrition well, so thank you for the specific prayers to that end. They have upped his feed rate one cc each day so that he is now up to 5cc per hour. He’s never gotten anywhere close to this before and tonight they are going to start to scale back the intravenous feeds so they can continue to increase the feeds to his tummy. He’s had a peaceful day otherwise, though he may have something to say about having to endure his first Christmas worth of “Rudolf” jokes.
Except for a couple of crying fits, Rudy has spent the ENTIRE day sleeping. He was pretty worn out by yesterday so I’m glad he could rest. He is still tolerating the little bit of formula he is getting through a feeding tube so they will probably start giving him a little more tomorrow. They are also (very slowly) decreasing his vent support so that will continue as long as he is stable. The doctor that does the lymphangiograms was finally contacted directly and is eager to do that for Rudy…possibly tomorrow but, most likely, Thursday. The team assures me that it is okay for us not to be here as Rudy will be accompanied by a doctor, nurse and RT for the entire test so I will go home as planned tomorrow morning. Dr. Brian feels the Pleurodesis procedure will occur possibly on Friday depending on what the lymphangiogram tells us…this will be good timing as Rolf and I will be back on Friday. So, we sit and wait for another test result praying for definitive information. Both Rolf and I are so grateful for the lengths to which the doctors here are going on Rudy’s behalf…Dr. Dan was on the phone talking with colleagues back in Boston, etc looking for answers regarding Rudy’s condition, Dr. Mary spent a good bit of her time today tracking down information about the lymphangiogram as well as alternative tests they might consider, Drs. Robert and Rick and Brian are on top of all the details and Dr. Gary, once again, stopped in this evening to check on us so we remain in great hands and everso thankful. I keep thinking over and over if Rudy is giving all the really smart people around here a hard time then Rolf and I are in for a challenge when we get him home! Ha Ha He’ll keep us on our toes for sure…
For those of you who have been following, along with us, the life story of Katie Manning you might be interested in checking out www.kissesfromkatie.org -a brand new website launched by her parents Alan and Vickie to help support children and their families in the midst of prolonged hospital stays. It’s a wonderful new organization in honor of their precious daughter. We sure appreciate the encouragement they have been to us and look forward to supporting their efforts as their work through Kisses From Katie unfolds.
Below are some pics of me, Max and Olivia from the weekend…we went to our neighbor’s house to decorate a gingerbread house. Thanks Jannele! It sure was refreshing to squeeze in some holiday fun in the midst of everything else going on!