This time last year we were enjoying our last full day with Rudy – a day Rolf eloquently captured in this post. Today, I’m holed up in my bedroom with a window air conditioner because of rare extreme heat hitting Goleta this week and lying in my bed immobilized by legs that are fatigued and weak. I feel trapped as tomorrow closes in and I find I’m holding my breath in between bouts of tears that spring without warning. I want to run away…I want to escape. The reality, though, is that there is no escape so I guess my physical reality represents the emotional reality of today. The goal is to not get overwhelmed and to remember to breathe.
The SBRM graduation on Saturday was, once again, amazing. I wish you could experience one. The event really is beyond explanation…it’s a moment in time the memory of which, we pray, is seared into every graduate’s mind and heart because it is not only a vivid picture of their success and hope for the future but, more importantly, it is a vivid picture of God’s presence and the support of community going forward. When life gets hard for the graduates, our prayer is they will have the strength and clarity of mind to use the tools they’ve been taught, to know they are not alone in the journey and reach out for a stabilizing hand.
This is my favorite moment in every graduation. This is the moment when past graduates are invited to come to the altar and pray with the new graduates at the close of the ceremony. Often there isn’t enough room for everybody and the crowd spills up the aisles! It’s profound and humbling and powerful. It’s authentic love and it impacts everyone in the room whether you’re in recovery or not. I’m so grateful to God that this powerful celebration occurred in the days leading up to this sad, sad week. How grateful I am to share in a celebration that has soul significance in the midst of such deep, personal heartbreak. How very grateful I am for the community that surrounds our family and the hundreds of hands outstretched in our direction. Thank you God! Thank you, dear friends, for the texts, emails, notes, flowers, LMcQueen cars, food, for running errands, doing laundry, making the day to day function smoothly…for your ongoing outstretched hands both near and far.
Please pray for us specifically this afternoon. I’m getting measured and fitted for a motorized wheelchair today. Practically it’s a good thing but it is a tough pill to swallow. If it’s true that the symptoms of ALS are exacerbated by stress and anxiety then I’m screwed!!!…(this week anyway). The goal remains to not get overwhelmed and to remember to breathe! 😉