As Trish shared in the last post, we’ve spent this weekend absorbing the news from the cath last week. I’d have to say we’re feeling our way through things so far as we’re not really at the stage of thinking or planning our way from here–we’ll get there–some realities take awhile to sink in. In the year and a half since Rudy’s been at home with us, the Glenn has loomed as a monolithic milestone–a scary but necessary rite of passage; the next step in prolonging Rudy’s life…and now it’s not there. So much of Rudy’s journey has been one of uncharted waters–unique complications and prolonged treatments, but having one of the fundamental interventions taken off the table feels like something of a different magnitude. We’ll likely get to the point of cogent thinking at some point and will update then, but for now it’s the feelings.
On that front, it’s been a quiet weekend with enough activity to keep us occupied. The feelings are there–sometimes it’s a heaviness, other times irritability, sadness and confusion. Thanks for kinds words, space, company and normal routines all in good measure.
Within all of this, there is gratitude–first and foremost just for who Rudy is–how many minor miracles must there have been to sustain him through this? We’re grateful for our big kids and there handling of this; some of the most poignant moments this weekend came during unexpected exchanges where they grappled with the reality of Rudy’s condition.
On the subject of gratitude, a helpful distraction for me this weekend was my 25th high school reunion. Unfortunately, it was in New Jersey so I couldn’t make the trip to be with the rest of the class of 1985, but I did send this little video greeting. Based on the feedback I’ve gotten, it probably left a more favorable impression of me than had I actually been there in person ;-). Amidst daunting circumstances, the chance to reflect on the journey that brought me here and for the richness of life and experiences fills me with gratitude. I missed seeing all of you Madison Dodgers! For the rest of you, hope you enjoy it.
[warning–this may take awhile to buffer]