I Hate Sundays

Well, “Hate” is a strong word, I guess.  It’s just that Sundays have become my least favorite day of the week…my emotions run highest on Sundays and going to church is both painful and exhausting.  Just like at the rescue mission, Rudy was such a big presence at church and I miss him there.  It’s been almost a year and a half since losing our boy and it still breaks my heart every time the kids are dismissed for Children’s Church.  Memories flood of him gleefully going with a special buddy assigned to assist him, confidently saying “See ya!” as he turned to go or the one Sunday when he walked up to the front of the church just so he could walk back down the aisle and high five everyone on his way out of the sanctuary.  Moments that warmed our hearts then and break my heart now.

It’s ironic, though, too because, of course, church is also a place of great comfort which is why I’m motivated to keep going and not curl up in a ball in bed on Sunday mornings.  I’m motivated to push through the pain to be with my church friends and to glean moments of corporate prayer and worship and teaching that encourage my heart.  Sometimes I wish it wasn’t all so intertwined…I wish there was a healthy way to avoid the pain but then again I can’t help but think that the intertwined nature of our grief is an indication we’re doing something right.  The intensity of our grief should mirror the intensity of our love and if we love well, the grief absolutely will touch every space we occupy.  The goal continues to be learning to co-exist with the pain and not be afraid to hate Sundays sometimes.

Speaking of “loving well”, Max wrote a song recently inspired by 1 Corinthians 13 and his interpretation really speaks to my heart.  It may sound cliche but take it from someone who is nearing the end of her life, nothing we do or become matters AT ALL if love isn’t part of the equation!  Period.  We can spend our lives achieving and accumulating but without love, it is all meaningless.

I hope I can share a recording of Max’s song sometime, but in the meantime, here are his lyrics:

Good Teacher of wisdom I come to you, To learn what I must do.  I so adore the way you love me, I want to love others like you do.

I can sing Your praise in a thousand tongues.  I can pray through pain, give all I own.  I can have faith that moves mountains, but what is it worth, if I don’t have love, if I don’t have love?

I pray You would soften my heart, and make me slow to anger and quick to forgive.  How do I have a heart for those who break it?  How do I love my enemies?

I can sing Your praise in a thousand tongues.  I can pray through pain, give all I own.  I can have faith that moves mountains, but what is it worth, if I don’t have love, if I don’t have love?

You are my God, God of love (3x)                                                                                                        You are my God!

I can sing Your praise in a thousand tongues.  I can pray through pain, give all I own.  I can have faith that moves mountains, but what is it worth, if I don’t have love, if I don’t have love?

(What Is It Worth? -Max Geyling)

I’m glad the kids are all settled back at school and enjoying time with their friends but I sure do miss having them around home during the day.  I miss their fun energy and practical help.  Wilson is big enough and strong enough now that he can just pick me up and carry me to where I need to be.  VERY HELPFUL!!  We are our own version of the children’s classic “Love You Forever”… 😉

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Thank you, Greg, for capturing this moment!

Love and more love dear friends!

 

10 thoughts on “I Hate Sundays

  1. oh my! You never cease to amaze me with your love, devotion, practicality and how well you express your feelings with us. You are an amazing lady! Wife! Mother! Friend! and servant of Our Precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! You have a beautiful smile and seem to be full of joy. I love you! I keep you in my thoughts and prayers and often use things that you share to help guide and direct me and others with whom I share your story. May today bring you some comfort. Max’s song is beautiful…I look forward to hearing it live.

  2. Well it is evident you don’t do much if anything without love. And you do it better than most people I know. I can see it in your life and also in your children. What a beautiful song. ❤

  3. That picture in light of the book is beyond precious!!!! Can’t wait to hear that song!!! Know that you have and continue to love well!! ❤️

  4. OH, I LOVE THAT LAST PICTURE!!!!!!! And I so understand every word of this dear, honest post. And Max’s song? Lovely — and true, through and through. Thank you and thank him.

  5. Heart felt and so true. Praying for you Trish always, and especially through the pain of the Sunday mornings. Love you so very much. Some day you will realize how much you touch everyone around you with your precious words. You have so much wisdom. Love you Trish

  6. Trish you have been given that special quality that lights up a room and your posts bring light to all of our lives thanks be to God wonderful wonderful

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