For the Purpose of Prayer…

It has been a month since my initial ALS diagnosis.  We have no approved authorization in hand.  The ALS clinic at UCLA can’t see me until November 9th (that is, if we get the correct authorization by then).  The ALS clinic at Cedars Sinai has been very receptive to our calls and is willing to work with us asap.  We’ve decided to pay out of pocket and pursue getting the help we need ourselves at Cedars Sinai.  😦

I’m tempted to unleash all my rage and frustration in this post over the futility of our efforts the past 4 weeks…wasted energy, wasted brain cells, wasted tears…but I’ll show some self control and simply say, please pray for breakthrough.  Ultimately, we still need the elusive authorization to get me into my network of providers for the long haul (Cedars Sinai is not in our insurance network), I’m still desperate for direction on what I should be doing and, I know it sounds dramatic, but it feels like my hour glass is emptying and time. is. awastin’!

I appreciate the advice people have forwarded my way and know that I’m filing it all to sift through once my diagnosis is confirmed but I haven’t acted on anything yet.  Right now, the internet information out there is overwhelming and confusing to me because I have no framework on which to hang the many, seemingly unrelated variables.  It’s kind of like being given a huge bag of puzzle pieces without the picture.  I could spend hours studying each piece and, in time, start to make some connections between them but I don’t have the mental energy to do that.  I’m waiting for an outline of the bigger picture at least (i.e. 2nd opinion and consult) before I can start to make sense of the particulars.  There is much to manage, for sure, and I’m taking it all very seriously but the mountain of information out there is starting to feel insurmountable and that’s a dangerous place for me right now.  Your love and prayers are our comfort indeed! 🙂

On a completely different note, we got the multi-thousand dollar physician bill for the day Rudy died in the mail today.  I’ve been wondering why we hadn’t gotten any bills for that day and assumed the agencies in Guymon, OK were just waiting for the insurance payout before billing us our portion.  Instead, the bill in total came today.  Which means?  You guessed it, another string of calls to the billing office and insurance companies involved tomorrow.  Not a huge financial stress as it will get sorted out. in time. after multiple calls.  But the emotional pain is deep as I read the itemized bill…”Patient Name:  Clinton R. Geyling”, “Date of service: July 25, 2017”, “Description of Services/Procedures:  Emergency Evaluation & Management Services, Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR), Cardioversion, External, Elective”  All just letters filling in a form to the people generating the statements but it represents a moment in time that completely transformed my life…the life of my family.  I miss our boy tonight…a lot.  ‘Kinda looking forward to a day when my eyes don’t sting.  ‘Kinda feeling like a hot mess.

Please don’t read any of this as criticism or a bitch session…I really mean it to be a quick glimpse into the life of us right now…for the purpose of prayer to inspire fresh vision for what has become a stale process!  I’m desperate for all things FRESH (and maybe an insurance employee who is super motivated, an independent thinker, a keen observer AND who is empowered to seal the deal on this authorization).  I thirst tonight for tangible expressions of God’s power in my life…and eyes to see those expressions!  I’m definitely feeling like the lame man whose friends went to the extreme effort of hoisting him through a roof to get him to Jesus who was surrounded by a great crowd of people and otherwise unreachable (Mark 2:1-12).  I need to be brought to the feet of Jesus by the faith of my friends!  Thank you friends for stretching your faith on our family’s behalf!!  I have some more thoughts on that subject but I’ll save them for another day.  😉

Thanks for letting me vent, Trish

 

23 thoughts on “For the Purpose of Prayer…

  1. Praying to a fair God in an unfair world where He somehow works everything together for our good even though it doesn’t resemble anything good in the process. In the mystery with you and sending love from a heart that aches for you and family.

  2. Thank you, Trish, for baring your soul so that we might pray more effectively for you and your family. My heart aches for you guys. Keep clinging to what you know about God in the depths of your being… He is GOOD, He is FAITHFUL, He is ALMIGHTY, He is ABLE, He LOVES you…Standing with you in prayer today and every day.

  3. My heart is breaking all over again that you had to view those medical bills. The same thing happened to my mom after my dad’s death, arriving while she was so raw and hurting from his death. It’s just so wrong, so cruel.
    I wonder if it’s just me that feels family members should never have to view those bills after a death of a loved one and insurance should just take over for them. I am so sorry you had to relive the saddest day..

    I love when you vent, it makes you human and even more lovable. 🙂
    Tonight I will Pray my hardest that your eyes stop stinging and you can see and feel a bright future in front of you.

    Jeremiah 29:11
    11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

  4. Praying for you in a special way today! May the loving heart of Jesus envelop you and fill you with love today on this Feast of the Sacred Heart!

  5. I pray every morning for you and I will continue! This week is focused on”favor”. Lifting your spirits and hopes through the thousands of prayers being extended to the great physician’s ears.

  6. Sweet Precious Trish! We just prayed for you in my team staff meeting. Keeping you close in my heart. Dear Jesus, be an overwhelming presence in Trish’s life and her family’s life as they are walking this difficult path. YOU are in all the details and we pray that you make that path of all the red tape easier, less confusing and we ask for favor and mercy with all who are involved in that process. Comfort their hurting hearts as they mourn precious Rudy. We ask all of this in the MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS CHRIST! I love you my friend. I pray for your peace. I love you!

  7. You may vent any time, dear Trish, and certainly you are warranted the opportunity. I would love to just come over and hug you and sit with you, knowing there may (I am saying may)be no way to make sense of all this. The trauma of losing a son must have significant and severe bodily effects, maybe even masquerading as a different diagnosis?? Thank you for sharing your truth and journey with your articulate passion that we have become accustomed to.

  8. My sweet friend, I find myself wanting to go punch someone over at that insurance place right in the nose. (okay, I’m kidding…but really!) Just know that you are constant in my prayers as you are navigating these waters with the insurance company. Lord, we need YOUR hand to move this!
    I often find myself turning to the Psalms these days. This one struck me recently as I’ve realized that many are feeling much the way David was (I believe) when he spoke these words “I cried out, “I’m slipping” but your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me. When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.” (Psalm 94:18-19)
    We pray for renewed hope and just keep asking for God’s intervention in all of it. Know you’re sooo loved!

  9. Trish, I can’t begin to tell you the extent and range of emotions I went through reading your post. You’ve been through too much. This just isn’t fair. And then you get the hospital bill….

    I know that you are in our Lord’s arms, and He is choreographing your life in big strokes. And even though it’s hard to see, especially when you are the one living it every day, I believe there is so much love and mastery in God’s divine timing and plan for you.

    Find the sunshine every day, Trish, even if you have to wait for a big cloud and rain storm to move out of the way. Notice the beautiful little things that grow beneath the massive canopies above. Find a way to fill your heart with joy and have a good laugh every day. And know that you are loved, thought about, and prayed for every day and every night. And trust that our Lord knows every hair on your head, and is carrying you even though sometimes you can’t feel it.

    Blessings and love, dear one.

    XOXOX

  10. Trish, thanks for your vulnerability. I am often amazed by the number of times it is your name that comes to mind in the wee hours of the morning when sleep eludes me. I do indeed join the chorus of prayers for that breakthrough.

  11. You are real Trish Geyling and I love that about you. If that is a bitch session I wonder what mine are called
    😊Thanks for trusting the larger community to help carry your burdens. I know you will find God faithful in the end. Prayers for you and your family.

  12. I will pray for that FRESH touch of powerful relief!!! So very much to sort through….know that we are in there tearing that roof apart and lifting you to Jesus!!!!

  13. Trish, I so agree with your venting! You must be vulnerable so these friends can lift your arms…or whole body into Jesus’ Presence. On our return trip from Utah, I listened to Katie Davis Major’s new book ‘Daring to Hope’. In it, she mentions how tired she is. The Lord reminds her of Isaiah 40:29-31 “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” It may seem like a distant reality but I am praying for the fresh vision like an eagle and strength only the Lord can give for you at this time in your life.
    May God give you hope for today. Kitty

  14. Jerry and I love you and are asking God for healing and a breakthrough. We are on the roof lowering you down sweet friend!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s