I’ve had one of those weeks that frustrate the ba-geebers out me…one of those weeks when I’ve been on the phone trying to coordinate Rudy’s care and not getting what he needs and not making any progress on the “to do” list. It’s part crAPRIA, part bureaucracy and part bad luck. Unfortunately, I’ve developed a bit of a short fuse over the years when it comes to stuff like this so it doesn’t take much to get my blood boiling. Yeah, go ahead, transfer my call, make me repeat myself over and over, let’s take this back to square ONE a-gain, better yet, don’t answer the phone, don’t return my calls, IGNORE ME! Honestly, it sounds so absurd with all the “bigger stuff” going on in our lives but this is what pushes me over the edge and I end up shaking my fists at the phone wanting to scream at the poor customer service representative on the other end “I wasn’t created for this!!!!“.
What grieves my heart is that this isn’t just an emotional reaction to a frustrating situation but that I really do struggle with “purpose” in our journey with Rudy. I shared about this struggle in a talk I gave at Westmont College a couple of years ago so this isn’t anything new but it remains a fresh wound. When the mundane frustrations in this journey overwhelm me and discontent creeps in, I long for the extraordinary things I dreamt of doing when I was young. Sometimes, when I’m really feeling down, I allow myself to feel guilty over the lack of extraordinary in my life…maybe I’m not trying hard enough or maybe I’m too afraid to “go for it” and I’m using Rudy as an excuse, etc, etc, etc…do you know what I mean?
I share this because I read a blog post this morning that speaks to this VERY ISSUE!!! I feel like God is saying to me “Here you go. I see you. I see where this week has taken you. This is for you.” Click here to read the blog in it’s entirety but two quotes that jumped out at me are these:
“You aren’t here to be extraordinary, to accomplish the extraordinary, or to experience the extraordinary. You are simply here to be fully you, limitations and all.”
The author went on to describe a situation he and his wife experienced and added: “And, for a moment, I love our limitations, because they confined us to this experience. Our limitations nudged us toward this particular mountaintop.”
It’s true! As limiting and isolating as life makes me feel sometimes, the reality is I’m confined to experiences that, as this blog can attest , are mountaintops in and of themselves.