It has been awhile…I’m not sure I’ve gone this long without publishing a post. I’ve been trying to figure out why. Yes, we’re busy but we’re always busy. Yes, there isn’t much to report on Rudy’s status but we’ve been in limbo for 5 years now and that hasn’t stopped us from posting. We started this blog to keep our family and friends up-to-the-minute with medical details when Rudy was first diagnosed, when we brought Rudy home from the hospital we kept it going to keep our readers engaged until Rudy’s next surgery which we thought was just weeks away and then the blog morphed into this amazing therapeutic practice that seemed to help me process, clear my head and keep a balanced perspective on things in general. It ceased to be for others at some point along the way and really came to be a helpful record of the journey for our family…and the posts came easy…I never forced it just to get something posted. So, I guess I’ve been waiting for there to be something to say.
To be honest, this has been a tough winter for me emotionally. I think I’m battling fatigue and maybe a little depression which has left me unmotivated to process and post (who wants to read about my pity parties). Even though Rudy is doing GREAT and he is happy, the weight of his situation has been hard to carry recently for some reason and I’ve withdrawn emotionally. I’m not quite sure what’s going on but I could use prayer for my fear to be wiped away and my sadness to be lifted. I keep telling myself that there will be time for all that if things go south so, for now, I want to be 100% present in the moment and not allow my fear or anxiety to steal anything away from what we have now. I need renewed vision, I think. 🙂
We were able to connect with Dr. Harake after missing Rudy’s scheduled appointment last month and all looks the same. After Rudy’s echo, etc we had our typical “big picture” discussion that is always this odd combination of being both sobering and reassuring. It is usually a pretty clinical discussion about our lack of options at this point and why it is important to be patient and wait even though our human nature wants to be “doing something” to fix it. So true. But this time Dr. Harake said the sweetest thing…after an appointment where Rudy babbled non-stop, told Dr. Harake his knock-knock jokes, showed off his mad walking skills and flashed his BIG, BRILLIANT smile every few seconds, Dr. Harake said in closing as he packed up Rudy’s file…”There isn’t any surgery we can do that would make him any happier.”! I don’t know, it just struck me as a very thoughtful observation and a truth to hang onto for sure. Rudy’s quality of life (as well as the big sibs’) has always been our focus in the choices we’ve made throughout this whole journey so far and his happy, funny, full of life approach to each day brings us GREAT joy and comfort but…there is a deep, throbbing pain I carry in not being able to “do” something for Rudy that’ll take all this away from him & us which is why things like Dr. Harake’s comment or the process of writing posts help me keep it all in perspective and not get stuck in some pretty dark places.
Since our cardiology appt, Rudy had another seizure episode (first one that we know of since late June 2014) and then fought hard against a tenacious bug that kept him home from school for a few days…it was weird because his body was able to ward off the usual symptoms of a high fever and diarrhea but he was definitely “off” in his ability to focus & maneuver his body and he lacked his usual stamina. 😦 He seems back on track now and we’re gearing up for his quarterly round of appts with the gastroenterologist, endocrinologist and another heart clinic visit in April at UCLA.
Our family has made the switch from winter to spring activities…Olivia decided to play club soccer this spring and has enjoyed getting to know her new team and coaches the past several weeks at practice. Her tournament schedule began a couple of weekends ago and she’s having fun. Max has been juggling two sports this winter as his hockey season began to wind down and the high school lacrosse season started to gear up with practices. Now that hockey is over, he can focus on the DPHS Varsity Lacrosse team and their full competition schedule that started a couple of weeks ago. Woo Hoo! Rolf and I are now proud members of the DPHS Athletic Boosters (to add to our DPHS Band Booster membership! Ha Ha) and I have some studying to do to figure out what in the world is going on during a lacrosse game. (i.e. Why is a hard whack with the stick okay but an elbow nudge isn’t?) During Max’s last game, I got caught up in all the excitement and found myself yelling “Whack ’em boys!… Go, go, go…Whack ’em!”…not quite sure how I feel about that. Ha 🙂 Wilson? Well, he continues to savor every school activity whether he is participating or spectating. The drum line competition season is well under way and he & his drum line buddies play at as many school sporting events as they can to cheer for their friends and entertain the crowds. It is so much fun watching him have so much fun! 🙂
Spring break is less than two weeks away and then we will be in the lightening speed race to the finish of the school year (those last 2 months go SO FAST)! As always, the goal is to pace ourselves and finish well…taking time to appreciate (i.e. the kids’ experiences, the teachers and staff investing in our kids and our growth as a family), to enjoy each other and to capture memory making moments (especially as Wilson graduates)! I guess it’s time for me to get out of my funk and get movin’! 🙂
Here’s a little recap of the past month in pictures:
We were blessed once again to participate in a Santa Barbara Rescue Mission graduation this past weekend. Our family was honored to celebrate alongside 15 men and women who have been in SBRM’s year long alcohol and drug addiction recovery program. Talk about putting life and God’s power to redeem any difficult, tragic situation into perspective! A dear Rudy’s Beat reader and regular commenter participated in this graduation as our hostess and wrote an amazing reflection on her experience…Click Here to read Diana’s account. Read it from start to finish. You’ll be blessed!
God bless you friends…God sure has blessed me in countless ways through you!
Rudy's Beat 
Trish, I just want to thank you for your blog. I know our friendship dates back some 30 years to “up with people” days, you probably don’t even know I’m reading, but I want you to know you so inspired me! After reading your post today, I see that now may be a good time to tell you. You’re strengthening others, by being such an amazing mom to all your children! I see it in your senior, Wilson and the impact he is making at school in FCA, when he carries Rudy in a laundry bag, or cuddles on the couch! He is your first “success story!”… and your work with Rudy won’t be your last! You’re AMAZING! You were an angel among the people we traveled with 30 years ago, and I see you’re still helping God work miracles, greater than any surgeries in your every day life! Hang in there. We all need you and you’re doing just fine! Thank you;-) keep sharing, we’re caring!
Ah, sweetheart. Thank you for sharing the pain you’re carrying with you these days. I SO get this and am not the least surprised by it. It’s okay to feel sad. It truly is. This is sad and hard. And also, beautiful and amazing. Some days you’ll hold those contrasting truths in balance better than others – that’s just the way it is. And you don’t need to pep-talk yourself back to anything other than what you’re feeling right now, okay? Just be in it, pray through it, trust God with it. The Jesus prayer against the anxiety can be helpful, too. And thanks for the plug – that makes me grateful all over again for who you are and what you do.
Trish, You are an inspiration to us!!! Thank you, again, for letting us see into your family! We love each one of you. You have such fantastic children and a great husband AND you are a wonderful mom and wife and friend! Thank you also for sharing your faith with those on this blog. I will continue to pray for you. Much love! melani
Squish! Loved your post and candid feelings of funk and grey skies…..I know though, despite how you feel, you have brought so much joy and party to many people this “winter” and you are heaping treasures where it counts most. Not many of us have to carry a constant burden like you do….and we certainly will give you all the blog space you need for therapy!!! It’s good for us to know how to pray. Give Rudy a big hug for us…..and accept our digital hug knowing that our constant LOVE and prayers are with you and the Geyling gang!
Oh Trish…many emotions. I continue to pray for Rudy and his family every night since he was born….sooo I think of you all daily. You are just so special….to many. I need to order 2 more special hearts…Rudy’s hearts. They are for special teachers of my grandsons….I have shared your hearts with teachers that touch my heart! We are a big part of our grandsons lives in WI….yes, I miss CA, but we are honored to be a part of Everett(7) and Kyler’s(5) lives. 💙💙 Love, Donna
Though I am a stranger from far away, I have read your blog since early on. How I got there – no idea, but I never doubt it because Rudy and his siblings are in my prayers always. I have always prayed for your ‘other kids’ – as the unique position of a kid with a “fragile” brother is one that we have had as well. I’m inspired by your success in building such a strong bond among them.
And I laughed out loud at your lax questions. Our youngest played for 6 years, and i quit worrying about the fouls. You can watch it sort of like basketball only with a stick. Or…running badminton. And the defensemen have those long sticks that they call poles.
Whatever the case, I am blessed by your sweet even tone, and honest admission of fear and longing. I will pray for you and yours as long as our Lord puts you all in my heart.
a
Beautiful heartfelt post. I love the Doc’s comment. So true! Enjoy every moment with that bundle of joy. He can teach us ALL how to be happy in difficulty. And now, where is Wilson going to college?
Trish, What I was going to write here in reply to your post was almost word for word what your “up with people” friend, Kim said, so I will simply say ditto to her reply! Then add, God has used you and your family and is using all of you as an inspiration to so many! I am praying with our Savior, that your faith will not fail! Because of Him I know it will not! Much love and Texas size hugs!