I went to my friend’s service today…a beautiful celebration of her life. Rolf and Wilson are out of town this week and Max stayed home with Olivia who has been battling a high fever and feeling awful since Thursday so Rudy and I went for our family. I admit I struggled about going earlier today…I didn’t feel great leaving Olivia and I knew it would be hard to navigate the crowd with Rudy in tow but I’m so glad I went…it was beautiful. As expected, the church was filled to its capacity. I wasn’t sure if Rudy would be quiet so I sat in the baby/cry room with him…enclosed with a view of the sanctuary and audio piped in through a speaker. As it turned out, Rudy was amazingly sensitive and sat quietly watching the service intently (especially the video montage of pictures of Kenon). I, on the other hand, sat with tears streaming down my face the entire time (sobbing at times …grateful I was hidden in a soundproof room!)
For a handful of reasons my heart has been heavy the past couple of weeks…so heavy that it has felt like I’m barely keeping my head above water. Even though I manage the day to day routine pretty well in general, it doesn’t take much for my anxiety and fatigue to surface turning into feelings of being overwhelmed. It can be a quick downward spiral that’s hard for me to crawl out of. So, there I was sitting in this little room today, trying to soak in all the beautiful things that were being shared, feeling overwhelmed and sad when Joni Eareckson Tada (who sent in a video tribute to Kenon) referred to “the buoyant hope of heaven”. It was a quick reference in her thoughts on suffering but, boy, did my heavy heart perk up at the thought of the hope of heaven being a buoy on which to hold tight and rest…even if just for a minute…so I did! During the two hour service I cried, embraced my fears, held tight to my hope in heaven and recommitted to the tasks at hand that have worn me down lately. It was cathartic and precious…Kenon would be pleased. 🙂
I’m praying now that Olivia recuperates quickly…we have two special weddings coming up this next week and I’m praying the virus Livy has been battling ends with her and doesn’t spread to the rest of us…we have much to celebrate with dear friends in the days to come and I sure wouldn’t want any of us to miss out.
Grateful for the blessings of today…