Now What?

I mentioned in my last post that I was needing a little time to decompress and process after sharing at Westmont’s chapel a couple of weeks ago…I’m not sure that has happened yet.  The experience has stirred my heart and I’m still feeling a little vulnerable and raw…weepy and droopy.  Not that it was a negative experience…no, it was awesome and I’m glad I did it!  And I’m really appreciating the exciting feedback I’m getting from folks who’ve had time to watch the video…It’s just that I had everything (all the emotions, hopes, fears, reality checks of the past several years) neatly filed away in my heart, then I rummaged through it all to prepare for my talk and now I’m left with a messy heart that needs to be organized again!  Ha Ha  Can anyone say “Type A”!!!  I crave “neat and tidy” but life is NEVER neat and tidy…even when it’s good!  This is an unfortunate dilemma.

After spending a good bit of time reflecting on the past, I find myself saying “Now what?”.  My heart is full AND terrified all at the same time and I’m not quite sure what to do with it.  God, what do You have for us?…I ask this question both literally and figuratively.  I say I want to know but, then again, it’s “hindsight” that gives us “perfect vision” not “foresight” so I need to find the energy to capture my thoughts, refocus and return to taking life ONE DAY AT A TIME.  It’s a lesson in perseverance I guess.

In the midst of all this and the rest of the kids’ spring break, Rolf finished the big indoor project of rebuilding the wall of cabinets in our hallway.  This forced me to empty the cabinets of ALL their contents and reorganize (hmmmm, I see a pattern here)…a BIG project that was WAY overdue.  This included the dreaded photo album cabinet that has been neglected the past 6 six years…it literally had loose pictures stuffed in it to the point of spilling out every time we opened the cabinet door.  Of course, the project took 10 times longer than it should have because I got distracted by all these fantastic treasures of the past and one treasure in particular stood out as particularly significant in the emotional place I’m in right now.  It’s a card that one of Rudy’s doctors gave me and Rolf the day Rudy was discharged from the hospital…in part, it reads:  “It is usually the docs that get, not give, the card; but for you everything is different!  The extreme patience that you have shown over the past 6 months has been a lesson for me.  When times get tough, a person’s true colors emerge.  You two have been put to the ultimate test with Rudy and you have shown me what it really means to be a ‘Christian’ (and that’s coming from a Jew!).  You are both genuinely good people.  From the prenatal diagnosis to the Norwood to the chylothorax to the other chylothorax to the trach through failed extubations….you have been nothing but kind, patient and understanding to everyone around you.  With every curve ball and set back, you stayed calm, positive and hopeful.  …I will always pull for Rudy’s health and I am so thrilled that you are getting to take him home today.”  I feel like I should frame it and put it up on the wall as a constant reminder that this is the result of taking things ONE DAY AT A TIME.  If we had been told what to expect the day Rudy was born, I would have said “this isn’t survivable (for Rudy or us)” and crumbled but by taking that early journey one day, one hour, sometimes one breath at a time, it added up to 6+ months in the hospital, a celebrated homecoming and what has become 5 years at home together…as a family of 6!  Amazing….truly!!  I am humbled!!

Okay, so the other thing making me weepy today is that it’s Wilson’s 17th Birthday!  He changed our world when he turned Rolf’s and my couple into a family…he marks the start of a pretty amazing chapter in my life and I LOVE that God entrusted him to us.

April 1997
April 1997

I gave Wilson a copy of the picture Greg Lawler took of him and Rudy at Westmont and I noticed it on his desk with a quote written on the back of it…”Life is a precious thing.  You must not forget the lives around you that you can touch and move in astounding ways.”  I asked him whose quote that was and he said “mine, I wrote it”.   Out of the mouths of babes…I need this reminder plastered on my wall too!!

IMG_1674  Here’s some fun from the last two weeks…


Olivia started her first official job…dog walking!  She’s LOVING it and LOVES her “clients”!!!  Her persistence in the quest to get a dog of her own will pay off…she’ll wear this mama down one of these days!


We absolutely LOVED having our god-daughter, Maya (on the right), drop in with two of her friends and teammates Fiona and Sarah on their way down south for spring break…Stanford swimmers not only excel at swimming but are SUPER SWEET too!  🙂  IMG_1649

Our big kids headed south, too, on a little train excursion…they boarded the Amtrak Surfliner for an overnighter in LA – a highlight of their spring break!  IMG_1669

A small rain storm produced this beautiful rainbow on our hills last week…we desperately need more rain but who can be worried when there’s such a pretty rainbow in view?

Rolf's back out! copy

Rolf’s patience in his recovery after knee surgery is sure paying off now!!  He got back on the water after being in dry dock for 9 months!!!  It has been a long road to recovery but I’m proud of him…he remained committed to PT more than once a week and the daily exercises he was given to do!  It isn’t over yet but he’s on his way to a fun, waterlogged summer!!  🙂  Yay Rolf!

First swim of the season!
First swim of the season!  (April 8th)

Now that Spring Break is over the lazy days of summer are within view.  The school year is beginning to wind down and there is much to be thankful for (for all the kids have experienced and accomplished this year)…okay summer, we’re headed your way…one step at a time!

8 thoughts on “Now What?

  1. Happy Magical Birthday to Wilson. You have raised one of three wonderful big sibs. He is truly astounding in mentoring Rudy, Olivia and Max and following in his parents’ footsteps being an amazing Soldier of Christ. Your entire family has touched so many others in ways too numerous too count. I am grateful to be a part of the many.

  2. Your doctor was right on with everything he said. You guys have helped shape our family and have been a great example of the life we wish to live. Your joy in contagious!

  3. Thanks for being so real with us, Trish. I can so relate to wanting life neat and tidy. 🙂 May God continue to lead and guide you and Rolf. It’s been a joy to watch your family grow up.

  4. Oh, you beautiful girl, here is an extra special hug. Yes, the note from the Dr was correct, you are special and make us all grow in our faith. And all of it makes me cry, but its a good cry, I am so proud of you and Opa would too —– your are super ALL 6 of you.

  5. You are a true blessing in my life, reminding me of the important things that come our way and to hold onto them and grow more Christ like through them. God richly bless you my sister.
    You can be VERY proud of your light shining into your kids life! Wilson sounds just like his mom, well except for a deeper voice! Love and hugs.

  6. Goodness gracious, what a lovely post, Trish. Love getting caught up on your fine family and think that doctor saw and said absolute truth. Love to each of you!

  7. My computer just came home from the repair shop and I can catch up on the Goleta activities. Your heartaches are certainly viable and your attempt to live one day at a time is challenging. ” Let go and let God” is easy to say but hard to accomplish. Thankfully, God never lets go! And your “mama” loves you eternally!

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