Today is October 21st and it’s hard to believe that today was the date originally slated to induce labor! My oh my, nothing in this odyssey has gone according to plan but I can say that in this moment of this hour of today I’m thankful…extremely thankful for the quiet morning we’re having after a string of, at times, terrifying moments over the weekend. The episodes in the past few days have set us back potentially a week which isn’t discouraging to me as long as Rudy remains stable. The hardest part of this past weekend was watching him struggle. At one point, Olivia and I were in the room with Rudy when he started having trouble. The team came in to tend to him and I started to get more and more uncomfortable with Olivia in the room so I decided to leave with her and take her back to the hotel room but I was heartbroken leaving Rudy knowing he was struggling so. I was torn and didn’t know which was the better choice. I cried on the walk back to the hotel. Not really aware that Rudy was distressed, Livy patted my hand as we walked and said “the tears just come and go, don’t they?”.
(I apologize in advance if this is too much information…) Another odd dynamic to this whole scenario is that my milk has been in a perpetual state of “letting down” since Friday…a constant (and somewhat exhausting) reminder that things aren’t as they “should” be. I’m getting quite a reputation in the CTICU for my milk production. Because I don’t have a place to store my milk, we’ve been storing it at the hospital and the various freezers on the floor are getting full. The classic quote on this subject came from Olivia when she saw me pump for the first time and ran out of the room to tell her brothers that “Mommy’s making milk like a cow!!”. So, you can add “milk maid” or “Bessie” to the growing list of new names for me. It’s all okay with me as long as Rudy will one day need it! He’s off all breastmilk now and will be for a while so in the meantime I’ll keep dispensing and finding creative places to store it! I don’t know how good the milk is, though, with all the emotional dips and outbursts of the past few days, I’m surprised the milk isn’t coming out curdled!!
Your amazing persistence in praying for Rudy and our family is GREATLY appreciated. Thank you!!!