The pace of this last week has been much slower. The weeks between the end of September and the start of November were particularly full so a little respite before the holidays begin is a good thing. I started another round of Radicava infusions this week which gives me another reason to lounge in bed and watch Hallmark Christmas movies (yes, I’m one of those people!). Actually, it’s getting to the point where I don’t need an excuse to be in bed…it’s where I’m most comfortable and where I spend most of my day…out of necessity. I’m still doing my own self-care (i.e. showering and getting dressed) but it’s slow going and pretty much wipes me out. A couple of trips to the bathroom and back are about all I can handle by myself during the day. My lack of energy is no longer just a nuisance but a real hurdle in me doing the basics.
The gradual (BUT NOT GRADUAL ENOUGH!) nature of this disease is a perplexing process. You’d think knowing what your needs are at any given point would be obvious but it isn’t…it’s kind of like standing near the edge of a fog bank…you see it coming but you don’t really notice you’re in the thick of it until you can’t see a few feet in front of you anymore and all of a sudden there is a frantic need to do something about it. There are some things you can do to be “pro active” in this process but when it comes to certain specifics, you don’t know until you know and that is a little distressing. I am definitely on the verge of transitioning to yet another level of support. Each transition pushes me farther away from what is familiar and into new territory…territory that is unknown, frightening, exhausting, humiliating, territory that requires truckloads of patience & grace as well as a constant adjustment of expectations on every level imaginable. My body feels like it started out in a pool of water, transitioned to a vat of wet cement and now that cement is beginning to harden. It’s happening, I can feel it and there is nothing I can do to stop it. A tough reality to face day in and day out no matter how full or empty the calendar may be.
On the bright side, I am using the extra time I have this week to do some holiday prep. Bound and determined to hand address all 400 of our Christmas cards this year, I got an early start and am chipping away at the list a little bit at a time (address a few, take a nap, address a few more, take a nap, etc, etc). 🙂
Two of my sweet friends came over yesterday and helped me get a jump start on a couple of projects and some wrapping while we listened to Christmas music…now, THAT kind of help I can embrace enthusiastically. Ha Ha Oh friends, who am I kidding, I’d be doing all this Christmas prep already with or without ALS!!! I’ve said from the very beginning of this journey that I wanted to stay true to myself so, I guess, my hyper organized approach to Christmas is a good example of that. (Yay for the fun of Holiday Prep!!)