Dear Rudy,

It’s 2am on Christmas morning and I’m wide awake.  My mind has been consumed with thoughts of you the past couple of days…days filled with traditions we hold so dear like the SBRM homeless guest Christmas feast, cookie decorating, our family celebration with the ladies at Bethel House, the Christmas Eve service at church and going on a Christmas light tour.  We feel your absence so deeply.  We miss you.  We miss your enthusiasm and sense of wonder for the holidays.  We remember how you enjoyed Christmas last year…how you began to really grasp the traditions and anticipate all the fun of the season and I remember thinking, even then, how fun this Christmas was going to be as a result.  But you’re gone and it’s just so hard to accept…still.  Today, Christmas Day, marks 5 months since you passed away.

Your Dad, Wilson, Max, Olivia and I visited your gravesite yesterday and, I admit, it was harder than I expected as I was reminded of special memories that are so tender…memories like singing “Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer” with you, yours and Livy’s Christmas Eve sleepover tradition…watching you proudly hold a real candle at the candlelight service and your squeals of delight over the simplest pleasures.  It’s sweet to see how each one of us at different times and in different ways is choosing to honor you in the traditions we shared with you as well as include you in the new experiences of this very different holiday season.  You aren’t far from every thought…from every breath.

I wish I knew what you’re doing this Christmas.  I wish I knew what new experiences you’re having and with whom you’re spending your time.  There are so many thoughts, so many impressions and feelings swirling around that are impossible to harness and organize.  I guess the only way to do today is to get swept up in the swirl, ride the wave and remember that we, as a family, are forever bound.  Merry Christmas precious boy!  Give Jesus a birthday hug for me.  Longing for you this morning, Mama

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Cookie decorating with Kyla (one of many fun friends/family who visited us this past week)!
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It looks like you’ve been getting visits from friends too…the cars are multiplying. 😉
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You had a place tonight at the tamale table.

P.S.  I love you.

13 thoughts on “Dear Rudy,

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your thought so and feelings. I ache and smile with you.
    Merry Christmas to you and your remarkable family.
    Sending so much love

  2. I know that Fred has introduced himself and now Fred’s dad too. Fred’ dad went to be with Jesus 10 days ago… He is very missed now too… His funeral brought up all the memories of my precious Fred… It is so hard to wait in seeing them some day but I cherish the thought I will see them one day and hug your precious Rudy… in the meantime we cherish those around us, knowing we have this precious hope before us. God has us, dear precious Trish…❤️❤️❤️

  3. Precious dear beautiful Trish. Sending you and your whole family love and prayers today with your first Christmas without Rudy. We love you guys so much. Merry Christmas~

  4. I miss you so much, precious Rudy. Thank you dearest Trish for always sharing your thoughts with us. Continuously praying for your family. Merry Christmas! Love to all of you! ❤️❤️❤️ Nurse Evelyn

  5. Your note is filled with such love. I can’t wait to see Rudy again.
    The Cervenkas love Rudy and love each of the Geylings!

  6. This is a very difficult time. Cherish all those sweet memories. We only had one Christmas with Logan. I know how deeply I felt the absence and still do. Rudy was a delight to be around. Your heart must be overwhelmed. I pray for you often and grieve your loss. I wish I had the words to soothe you and comfort you. In your own time, at your own pace, you will find peace. You are treasured and loved. May you feel God’s presence and blessings.

  7. This post melts my heart. We are all here holding you up in prayer on those most difficult days.
    Missing that special little guy along with you ..He has a mighty big collection of hearts up there.
    I hope you feel the hugs from Heaven tonight.xo

  8. Just about 2am your time I found myself awake here in Boston, breathing deep sighs of grief for and with you all. We love you all so much and hold you in the Light!

  9. I think Rudy might be taking a run with his Grandpa Wilson, in perfect stride and with perfect breathing. He just might be a step ahead.

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